


It's a Deal

by dreamingof



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, self indulgent as all hell, slowburn-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingof/pseuds/dreamingof
Summary: While Kaladin is still a slave in Sadeas' warcamp, trying to scrap together medical suplies, a strange woman makes him an offer: the medicine he needs in exchange for a favor.He accepts, though neither of them could've predicted the consequences of their deal.
Relationships: Kaladin (Stormlight Archive)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, what can I say except that this is the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written. It's in the tags, but i'll just say again that there's going to be a healthy dose of canon divergence in this, just in case. 
> 
> With that out of the way, thanks for stopping by and enjoy if you can.

The door of the apothecary's shop closed behind Kaladin as he stepped out onto the streets of Sadeas' warcamp. He might've looked calm on the outside, but in reality, he was fuming. The price that man had tried to charge him for a simple antiseptic was so high, it bordered on thievery and the fact that every apothecary in the camp was in on it did nothing to calm him down. Still, he had more urgent things to worry about than the state of this camp. Back at the bridgecrew's rundown barracks, injured members of his crew desperately needed help. While he hadn't managed to get a disinfectant for their wounds, he'd at least managed to acquire some bandages and thread. All he could do now was make due with what he had and hope for the best. He didn't get very far though, before a voice rang out behind him. 

"Hey, Wait!" Kaladin kept walking. "Storms! I’m trying to talk to you!"

After what that apothecary had told him, Kaladin had places to be. He wasn’t about to waste any more time, not if it might cost some of his men their lives. The person following him seemed to have other ideas. When he didn't react to the yelling, a hand grabbed onto his forearm, stopping him dead in his tracks. Almost on instinct, he pulled away and whirled around, coming face to face with a young, darkeyed woman. She took a step back raising both hands in front of her in a disarming gesture. 

"Relax, I just want to talk."

Talk? What could this person possibly want to talk about, with him of all people? After all these months it felt strange to be approached like that, to say in the least. Most people kept out of his way, either because they didn’t want to waste their time on some slave or his shash brand scared them off. The woman in front of him, however, didn’t seem repulsed or intimidated in the slightest. 

"What do you want?" 

Kaladin knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The woman didn't seem to mind though. She simply stuck one hand into the satchel she was carrying and, a moment later, procured a small glass bottle. The very same one he'd just tried to buy. 

"I believe I can make you a better deal than that apothecary." That certainly got his attention. Granted, she still might ask for more than he had, but it was worth a shot to at least hear her out. Maybe he could haggle the price down, or convince her to take the payment in rates.

"Alright. How much do you want for it?"

"I don’t want money. I need a favor", she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

„A favor, from a person like me?“ For a second he was sure he must've misheard, but she didn't correct him. That woman was serious, wasn't she? "What good would that do you?"

"Right now? None at all." Right on. But then, why ask in the first place? "I’m not asking for your help right now though. In exchange for the antiseptic I want you to promise me one favor, to be called in whenever I choose, no questions asked." That made some more sense. Or rather, it would've if he wasn't assigned to the position with the highest mortality rate in the entire army. Either she didn't know or she didn't care, although he wasn't sure what the latter one would say about her intelligence. 

"Look, woman, I'm a bridgeman. Chances are I’ll be dead before the month is over. Even If I'm not, there's no way I could help you. Only an idiot would think otherwise." If she was insulted by his words she didn’t show it. In fact, she didn't seem to mind at all.

"All the more reason to say yes. Can’t owe me a favor if you’re dead, right?" 

This was getting ridiculous. None of her arguments made any sense. It was almost as if she was missing the point on purpose. But why? Kaladin knew himself how expensive that one bottle of medicine must've been and that woman didn't exactly look like someone with money to burn. But that wasn't the only thing that bothered him about the whole arrangement. There was one thing that made even less sense than asking some slave for help.

"Let’s assume I live to see the day you actually call in that favor, how do you know I won’t break my promise?" 

There was, quite frankly, no way to make sure he wouldn't just skip out on her later. She'd just met him a few minutes ago, not to mention that the brands on his forehead made him look less than trustworthy. 

"I have a hunch", she replied, shrugging. "You don’t seem like the type of man who’d go back on his word." 

_A hunch?_ It irritated him, how she just casually assumed things about him despite having just met. What irked him even more though was that she was right. Kaladin didn't give his word lightly and he wasn't in the habit of breaking his promises, at least not on purpose. Almost subconsciously his mind took him back to the first promise he'd ever broken. The one he'd made his parents. Tien. Mentally slapping himself, he tore away from those thoughts. Letting himself be consumed by guilt again wasn't something he could afford right now. He needed to concentrate on what was in front of him. 

No, if he made a deal with this woman, he wouldn't go on and break it later. But she couldn't possibly know that. Maybe she really did have an eye for people. Either that or she was bluffing to get what she wanted. 

"And if you’re wrong?", he asked. It was a valid point, but she didn't seem to be all that bothered by the possibility.

"Then you can laugh about it later." 

He released a sigh at her answer, holding one hand up to his temple as if nursing a headache. The playfulness in her words was completely out of place, but he had to admit, there was something disarming about it. More than that though, he had a feeling she wouldn't leave until she'd gotten her way. 

"You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?" 

She released a chuckle at the response. "Oh, I am. All you need to say is that you’re not interested in my deal and I’m gone. But you’re not going to do that." She held up the small bottle again as if to prove a point. "Because you need this."

And for the first time since she’d approached him Kaladin saw something else in her than some girl talking nonsense. He saw fire and steel in her dark eyes and a cold calculation that made him pause for a second. 

"Look, Kaladin, that’s your name, isn’t it? I know you’ve been bringing back injured bridgemen from your runs. Men who _will_ die if they don’t get an antiseptic."

Kaladin stiffened. She hadn’t just been waiting around, looking for anyone who’d offer her a favor in exchange for expensive goods. She’d been waiting for _him_. That woman had obviously planned this whole affair, but why? Had someone put her up to this? He knew there were people who weren't happy with him trying to keep his bridgecrew alive. But even if this was supposed to be some kind of trap he couldn't make any sense of it.

"How do you know all this?" He’d subconsciously taken a step closer, but the woman didn’t step back. Instead, she kept looking him in the eye, not letting her composure slip by even the tiniest amount. 

"People talk, I listen. Gossip spreads quickly in places like this", she replied nonchalantly. 

That answer did nothing to ease his suspicions but Kaladin didn’t need to ask another question to know this was all he was going to get from her. The whole situation was just too damned suspicious. That woman had to know how expendable bridgemen were. Most likely he'd be dead soon enough and even if he managed, through some kind of miracle, to stay alive, he couldn’t think of a single thing he could possibly help her with. She didn’t seem stupid though, quite the on contrary, there was a sharp intelligence to her eyes and words. And smart people didn’t make stupid deals. There had to be something more to all this. Something she was deliberately hiding. 

Still, none of his suspicions changed the fact that she was right. He needed an antiseptic and he needed it quick. And she was offering one for seemingly nothing but an empty promise. Kaladin didn’t like it, but he couldn’t afford to lose any more time. If it meant saving even one of his men, he didn't have a choice. 

"Alright, I’ll take your offer." Her eyebrows shot up, almost as if she was surprised at his answer. However, the moment passed so quickly, he wasn't sure if he'd imagined it. 

"See, this wasn't so hard now, was it?" She made to give the medicine to Kaladin, but he cut her off. 

"Wait." She paused, her brows furrowing in confusion. "You know my name. If I’m going to be making any kind of deal I want to know yours." Kaladin supposed it didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things, but the fact that she knew so much about him, while he had nothing didn't sit right with him. If she wasn't going to reveal her motives, the least she could give him was a name.

"Fair enough. I’m Arys." After all of her secrecy, he was a bit surprised she'd just give away her name like that, even though it wasn't exactly a big deal. Well, he'd take what he could get.

"So, we have a deal?", she asked, holding out the bottle towards Kaladin and looking him directly in the eyes. He didn’t know what to make of the mischievous glint in hers though. Storms, this felt more like making a pact with the Nightwatcher than anything else. 

"We have a deal", he answered, taking the antiseptic from her hand. "But why a favor?", he tried one last time. Not that he expected her to provide him with an actual answer. "Isn't there something that'd be more useful to you right now?"

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but this world is a dangerous place. Having a few favors to call in makes it a little safer." A hint of a smile made its way onto her lips "Anyway, it was a pleasure doing business with you." He didn't quite know how to respond to that, so he just nodded. She sure was a strange one. "I'll see you around, Kaladin." 

With that, she turned around and walked off, lazily waving one of her hands as she disappeared into the chaos that was Sadeas' war camp. For a moment he was left standing on the street, processing what in the Almighty's name had just happened. Then, fueled with newfound determination, he made his way to the bridgecrew's lodgings, hoping he hadn't just made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's my girl Arys. I'm sure you can tell, but she's a bit of a schemer. Anyway, thanks for reading and any kudos or comments <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain woman calls in her favor, leaving Kaladin with even more questions than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up, there's a time skip between this chapter and the last, we're in WOR territory now.
> 
> As always, thanks for stopping by and enjoy!

Being in charge of a unit, a real unit, was more work than Kaladin remembered. He was standing in a room in bridge four's quarters, _actual_ quarters, that functioned as some sort of office. Together with Teft and Sigzil, he'd been discussing topics like equipment and training schedules for what felt like hours already and he had no doubt it would be many more before they were done. Not that he minded, doing this felt _right_ , he just wasn't used to it anymore. They were assigning the patrols for the week when the door suddenly flew open, cutting Teft off in the middle of a sentence.

__

"I need help." 

__

The voice belonged to a young woman, darkeyed with a small scar on her chin. For a second he was unable to say anything, perplexed. Then the realization set in. It was the woman who’d given him the antiseptic, Arys. After the absolute chaos that had been the past few weeks, he’d all but forgotten about her and, more importantly, their deal. Of course this would come back to bite him. 

__

"Can we talk?" She sounded more nervous now, almost scared, her eyes darting back and forth between Teft, Sigzil, and him. "Alone?" He wasn't sure how exactly to reply to that, but as it turned out he'd hesitated just long enough for the other's to make the decision without him.

__

"C'mon Sig, let's leave them to it." He didn't miss the look his friend and lieutenant shot him as he left the room, but decided not to dwell on it. Right now, there was a bigger issue on the table.

__

"Well", She sighed deeply and touched her temple with her hand as if nursing a headache. At least she seemed to have calmed down a little. „I need that favor you owe me.“

__

"Of course you do. So, what is it?", he said, trying to sound calm. In reality, he already had a bad feeling about this.

__

"Easy. I just need to stay here for a few hours." 

__

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected her to ask, but it sure wasn’t this. It just seemed so… insignificant. If she'd paid that apothecary the full price for the antiseptic, she clearly wasn’t getting her money’s worth. 

__

"That’s all?" He was unable to keep the suspicion out of his voice. This couldn’t possibly be all she was asking. 

__

"Yes. That and if anyone asks you if you’ve seen me, I was never here." There it was, the catch. She wasn’t just asking him to let her stay, she was asking him to _hide_ her. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and raised an eyebrow at her.

__

"So, there’s a story behind this."

__

"Of course there is.“ She sounded too casual about it. As if she hadn’t just waltzed up to his workplace and demand he let her hide there. „None of your business though.“

__

"Oh, considering it’s my place you came to, I think it is."

__

"A favor for a favor. No questions asked, remember?" Storms, she’d played him, hadn’t she? The 'No questions asked' part of their pact had completely slipped his mind. When he didn’t answer her, she sighed again before speaking up, not quite able to hide the anxious undertone in her voice. "Look, if I can’t count on you to keep your word you better tell me now and I’ll see myself out."

__

He took a moment to consider his options. Yes, he’d given her his word, but that woman was acting incredibly suspicious. He wasn’t some throwaway bridgeman anymore, he was in charge of a Highprince’s security. Of the king's security. The probability was low but there was the chance she might be a threat. Maybe a spy, or something similar. 

__

"Kaladin you promised her!" Syl had suddenly popped up in front of him, standing in the air, both hands on her hips and an angry expression on her face. Of course she couldn’t just stay out of this. "You can’t just send her away now! Look, she’s scared!" Scared wasn’t the word he would’ve used to describe her, but Syl was right. Unlike the day they’d first met, she seemed to be uneasy about something. Not surprising, considering she was quite literally asking him to hide her. 

__

That was beside the point though. Syl was right, he had given Arys his word. Even if it felt like this was going to get him into more trouble than she was worth, he couldn’t in good conscience send her away now.

__

„No, you can stay.“ She didn't have to say anything, her shoulders sagging in relief told Kaladin more than words could have. What in the world had that woman gotten herself into? „Just don’t cause any trouble.“

__

"Wasn’t planning on it." 

__

Not quite knowing what to do next, they kept standing there, in the middle of the room until Arys suddenly flinched, turning around on her heel and disappearing through the next best door, further into the building. Confused, he wanted to call after her but stopped himself when he saw a group of men entering the room. He hadn't seen any of them before but judging by her reaction Arys did. Deciding there was no use wondering about it right now, he addressed the men.

__

"Do you have business here?"

__

"We're looking for a woman. Kind of short, like this." He held his hand out at shoulder height to demonstrate. "Darkeyed, brown hair. About your age, I reckon. Have you seen her around?" The description fit Arys perfectly and considering the circumstances, it had to be her these men were looking for. So, considering the situation Kaladin did the only thing he could. He lied.

__

"No. Why, is she missing?" Lying had never come easy to him, not even as a child, but the people in front of him didn’t seem to see through it. The man’s eyes darkened at his question, a dangerous glint in them. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. All of a sudden he understood why Arys felt like she needed to hide. 

__

"She’s a thief. Stole from us." That explained why they were after her. Kaladin knew he wasn’t getting the full story from that man, but since she wasn't willing to talk he’d take any information he could get. 

__

He could see Syl flitting around the small group of men as if trying to remind him of his promise. She needn’t have bothered. He’d made up his mind. Even knowing what he now knew about Arys, he wouldn’t tell anyone she was here. Not after promising he’d keep her safe mere moments ago. He did his best to suppress a sigh. Something about her had seemed strange the moment they’d met. Suspicious even, though that could hardly have been avoided, considering the kind of offer she was trying to make him. And while he hadn’t been unable to rule out the fact that she was up to something he was still surprised to find out she was a common thief. 

__

"I see. I’ll tell my men to keep an eye out." Another lie, though this time it came to him easier than before. 

__

"Thank you." The man still seemed none the wiser, nodding at Kaladin once, before turning to face his group. "Let’s go. Even if she’s not here, she can’t have gotten far." 

__

They were out the door soon enough after that and, a few short minutes later, Arys walked back into the room. There was a nervousness radiating off her and she refused to look at him. For an awkward moment, they just stood there, neither of them willing to break the silence. Then, she sighed deeply and finally looked him in the eye.

__

"Thanks. For not selling me out." 

__

"Don’t mention it. We had a deal." She nodded, still not looking too sure. "So, they told me some interesting things about you."

__

"Don’t play coy. I heard." She didn't sound angry at him for asking but… apprehensive. It obviously wasn't a comfortable topic, for either of them, but Kaladin still couldn't hold back from asking another question.

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"You stole from them?"

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"Nothing that was rightfully theirs in the first place." In truth, he was a bit surprised that she didn't try to deny it, but then again the answer was characteristically vague. 

__

"A thief among thieves then?"

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"Look, I’ve already told you more than I had to. Don’t push it." Her voice was firmer this time, fiercer and he immediately knew that was all he was going to get out of her. Not much, but better than nothing, he supposed. 

__

"Fair enough." It still bothered him, of course it did, but they did have a deal. Though that didn’t change the fact that there were people combing the streets for her because of what she’d done to them. "Still, whatever you did you need to watch your back. I can’t imagine things going well for you if you ever come across those men again." That was putting it lightly, but she didn’t look like she’d appreciate a lecture.

__

"No kidding." Even though her words suggested otherwise, he could tell by the tone of her voice that she knew full well how much danger she was in. Not that she was going to tell him about it. „Well, is it okay if I just wait here? I’ll be out of your hair in a few hours.“

__

"Yes, that’s fine." She nodded and sat down at the table, still covered with maps and Sigzil's lists, but looked at him with an unpleasant surprise in her eyes when he sat down opposite her. 

__

"Don’t you have things to do?" Both of them knew what she'd actually meant to say was something along the lines of 'leave me alone', but there was no way in Damnation he was going to do that.

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"Yes. Right now, I have to keep an eye on you."

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"Seriously?" When he didn't relent she added: "I guess that makes sense. I’m not exactly the most trustworthy person around, am I?"

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"No, you aren’t." She didn't bother to dignify that statement with a response, but at least she didn't seem offended by his bluntness either. He'd take it as a victory.

__

After that, neither of them spoke for a long while. It was awful. The strange tension between them, born of distrust, became so thick he could've cut it with a knife. Part of him wanted to leave, but he couldn't afford to leave her unsupervised.

__

"Well, this is awkward." For the first time since they'd met, he completely and utterly agreed with her. "So, tell me, how did you go from the warcamp’s equivalent of death row to being the royal family’s bodyguard?" After all the sitting around and trying not to meet each other's eye, the question caught him off guard.

__

"Why do you want to know all of a sudden?"

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"'It beats staring at the wall in silence for the next few hours.“ Kaladin sighed but couldn't dispute that she was right. At this point, anything was better than that damned silence and she probably knew half it through rumors already. 

__

So, he told her the whole, messy story. Well, not _all_ of it. He didn’t tell her of anything before his arrival at Sadeas’ warcamp and purposely left out anything that concerned Syl and the Knights Radiant. To his surprise, she didn’t interrupt him even once, seeming content to listen for a while. When he was done she didn't speak but nodded in understanding instead. The gesture conveyed so much more than a simple affirmation. 

__

"For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not dead", she finally said.

__

"Would be hard for you to get your money’s worth if I was."

__

"True enough. That’s not the only reason though." Kaladin looked at her, the question 'why?' already forming in his head. "You’re a good person. There aren’t a whole lot of those around these days. Not enough, at any rate."

__

"How can you be so sure about me? Don’t get me wrong, I _am_ keeping my end of the deal, but besides that, what do you really know about me besides stories and rumors?"

__

"I already told you. I had a hunch." Almighty, not that again. She seemed to pick up on his doubt and added: "Besides, you wouldn’t have agreed to my deal if you didn’t truly care about those men. The ones who needed the medicine, I mean." She must’ve somehow felt that, even though her argument made sense, he wanted to retort, because she resumed talking without skipping a beat, cutting him off. "Just think about it, I could’ve asked you to do anything. Like…", She paused for a second, raising a finger to her chin in concentration, "Hide a body for me. Or kill someone. Or kill someone _and_ hide the body. You get what I’m saying, right?"

__

"I suppose I do." Still, he was surprised that Arys seemed to think so highly of him. "Anyway, how did you end up here? Last I checked, switching warcamps wasn’t exactly easy, especially for a Darkeyes."

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"You can say that again. Let’s say I called in some more favors."

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„So you’re in the habit of collecting favors then?"

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"Told you already. It’s a dangerous world", she replied, shrugging.

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"You don’t exactly seem like you’re trying all that hard to keep out of harm’s way." She rolled her eyes.

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"I try my best, that's got to be enough."

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After that, both of them fell quiet for a second, but instead of returning to that awkward silence she soon spoke up again and he found himself going along with it. Talking to her was surprisingly easy. Kaladin had never been much of a talker, but whenever the conversation started to stagnate she seemed to know exactly what to say to pick it back up. She was right, this _did_ beat sitting around in total silence. Even though they only spoke of inconsequential things, the difference between warcamps, taverns, the prices of goods at the market, he felt like he finally got a grasp on what kind of person Arys was. Humorous, with a quick mind. That, and she knew an impressive amount of swearwords, most of which could've made a sailor blush. She was a bit on the reckless side though, always taking chances. At least that’s what he thought. There was always the possibility she was putting up an act, but if that was the case she was the best actress in all of Roshar. 

__

Syl sure seemed to like her regardless. She kept flitting around her, even sitting down on Arys’ shoulder in her human form, mimicking her posture and facial expressions. Arys herself, on the other hand, remained oblivious to her presence. As the hours went on, Kaladin realized he'd completely lost track of time. He also found that he didn't care. Eventually, though, Arys rose from where she was sitting. 

__

"Well, I think the coast is clear now. I should head out." 

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"Will you be alright?" The words had left his mouth before he could think them over. She just raised an eyebrow at the question, a roguish grin spreading across her face.

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"What, worried?" Her voice was tinged with laughter and he couldn’t help but frown. Though he didn’t know to what extend, she clearly was in danger. Kaladin didn’t like how she just played it off, as if it was nothing. 

__

Then, she looked away from him, her expression shifting as if she’d just now realized the gravity of the situation. The moment didn’t last long though. Her eyes found his again and she gave him a lopsided grin. "I’ll manage. If anything, you have one less thing to worry about, now that I’ve had my favor." Technically, it was true, though, in all honesty, Kaladin was feeling quite the opposite. Arys seemed like she was getting ready to jump headfirst into trouble. She must've noticed his hesitation

__

"Look, don’t worry about it. I can tell that you’ve got enough on your mind already. Besides, I can take care of myself, it’s worked out so far." He couldn’t argue with that. Yes, she wasn’t a soldier but there was a resilience to her he'd often seen on the battlefield. Something told him that she'd lived through her fair share of hardship. She'd be fine. Probably. In any case, it wasn't his place to worry about her. Still, when he saw her walking towards the door, he couldn't help but ask one last question.

__

"Where are you going to go now?" He didn’t know why he still bothered. She hadn’t revealed anything relevant so far and there was no good reason for her to start doing so now. Besides, why even care? Chances were he’d never see her again the second she was out that door. 

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"To Damnation, if I don’t change my ways." The mischievous smile that accompanied her answer remained visible in his mind's eye even after she'd turned around and away from him. "Farewell, Kaladin."

__

And just like that, she vanished into the night. Even as the door fell shut behind her, Kaladin couldn’t help the feeling that he hadn’t seen the last of her yet.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading and any kudos or comments <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we are back at it again! This was a tough one, so I took a bit of a break. It's a bit longer than the others though, so I suppose it balances out??
> 
> Thanks for stopping by and enjoy <3

Thaylen City was a mess, there was no other word to describe it. Dalinar's forces and, by extension, Bridge Four had been helping with relief efforts for a few days now. Things were looking, well, good would be a massive overstatement, but it could be worse. They'd be done here soon and head back to Urithiru through the Oathgate. Right now Kaladin was combing the streets to look for any remaining survivors with the help of two other alethi soldiers and, of course, Syl. Truth be told, it was disheartening. As the days went by they found fewer and fewer survivors and more corpses. And then there were the looters. People taking everything they could get their hands on, even attacking peaceful citizens at times. They were proving to be a bigger problem than expected.

Still, compared to the actual battle this was almost relaxing. At least until Syl came flying out of a nearby building, just barely in his line of sight, looking…distressed.

"Kaladin! She’s in there!" By now, he was used to her making no sense whatsoever, but her tone of voice worried him. She sounded distressed. 

"Who?" Syl looked almost offended that he couldn’t tell who she meant, as if she expected him to read her mind. 

"Arys! Someone attacked her. I think he's trying to kill her." Wait _what?!_ None of this made sense, but before he had even a second to try and sort this mess out, she was yelling again. "What are you waiting for?! Move it!"

As if on cue, he heard a loud crash and a pained grunt from the building Syl had just flown out of. Finally, his mind caught up to reality. Without waiting for the others, he took off. A few seconds later he threw open the door tho the place Syl had pointed him to, immediately stumbling on the cause of the disturbance. Two people were fighting and, storm him, Syl had been right. One of them was Arys. 

Turned out he’d arrived at just the right time to see her level the man with one solid punch to the mouth. Kaladin heard a sickening crack as the stranger collapsed onto the floor, probably unconscious. So much for her being in danger. 

"Did you see that?! That was _amazing_ ," Syl squealed, punching the air in front of her as if trying to mimic Arys. There wasn't a trace of distress left in her voice, only pure joy. Well, at least one of them was finding this amusing. 

The second the man hit the floor she spun around, breathing heavily. Looking at him, dark eyes narrowed, probably trying to decide whether he was a threat or not. Then, an expression of recognition came over her face.

"Kaladin?"

She sounded confused rather than startled, which he took to be a good sign. There was a trickle of blood running down her nose, but aside from that, she didn’t seem injured. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"What am _I_ doing here? Last time I checked weren’t you supposed to be the King’s bodyguard?" Kaladin couldn’t even bring himself to be angry about the lack of an answer. This was Arys, of course she’d turn the question back around on him. 

"Something came up." She didn’t look satisfied with that response, but he didn’t owe her any answers at this point.

"Does that _something_ have anything to do with the fact that your eyes are glowing?" Oh. He must’ve unconsciously drawn in Stromlight at the first sign of danger. Closing his eyes, he exhaled deeply, feeling the power drain from him and willing his eyes to go back to their natural color. Not that it mattered, she’d already seen it. 

She looked as though she was about to ask at least a dozen more questions, but at that very moment, the rest of Kaladin’s group came running through the door. He silently thanked the Storms for their timing. Between him running off unannounced and the two strangers, one hurt and the other passed out, they understandably looked a bit confused. At least that could be remedied relatively quickly, so he gave his order. 

"Arrest this man, I'll meet you back at camp."

"Yes Sir!" The men saluted and got to work Kaladin gave a quick nod to Syl. He wanted her to keep an eye on things, just in case. Thankfully, she understood the gesture and moved from her place next to Kaladin towards the two soldiers. 

Kaladin and Arys stood in silence as the two soldiers picked up the man and dragged him away. He took the moment to quickly look over the surroundings. The building was sparsely furnished and most of it was knocked over, though he couldn't tell whether that had happened in the fight or some time during yesterday's chaos. Arys herself looked… tired. There were dark circles under her eyes he swore hadn’t been there last time they’d met. A deep weariness seemed to cling to her, like a shadow. Yes, she could definitely handle herself, but he could tell she was spreading herself thin. 

"Am I arrested as well?", she asked, looking as if she was ready to bolt if his answer was to be yes. "I know how suspicious this looks and you are with the army, so…"

"Why would you be? He was the one who attacked you after all." Her eyes went wide and she tensed up immediately.

"How did you know that?!" 

"Just a Hunch." Arys blinked, unbelieving. After a second, realizing this was all she was going to get, she released an exasperated sigh. 

"I had that one coming, didn't I?" 

He didn't bother to answer, his mind already having moved on to a more pressing issue. Namely how to stop her from bombarding him with questions about what she'd just seen. About his eyes. It was strange, ever since telling Dalinar, he'd never hidden his eyes from anyone. Quite the opposite, he'd used them to his advantage. But for some indiscernible reason, he was almost anxious about how she might react. He still tried for the first question that came to mind, considering the situation. It was probably futile, but maybe the distraction would give him enough time to figure out what to say when she did ask. 

"Are you alright?" _Alright_ , not fine. That's what he asked because it was obvious that she wasn't fine, at least to him.

"Still in one piece." Somehow Kaladin got the feeling she wouldn’t tell him even if something was wrong, but there were no obvious injuries he could see and the way she nonchalantly wiped the blood from her nose told him she’d probably be fine. Probably.

"That’s good." All he got for that was a roll of her eyes. 

"So,“ she began, and Kaladin immediately knew that there was no use stalling any further. "Do you want to tell me what in Damnation is going on? You obviously know something." It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. Quite a reasonable one considering everything that had transpired during the past day, though he had absolutely no idea where to start. 

"I’m here to help with relief efforts." It _was_ the truth. Technically. Not that she seemed to be satisfied with that answer.

"Nice try." She laid one hand on his arm, the playful expression suddenly vanishing from her face. "Look, I was there when that storm hit and all hell broke loose. I’m no soldier, but I can tell this wasn’t an ordinary battle."

The look in her eyes was the same he’d seen in so many men who’d come back from the battlefield, having seen things too terrible to name. There was a good chance the world as they knew it was ending and she deserved to know. Deserved an explanation. The coming Desolation would be common knowledge soon enough anyway, it wasn’t something anyone could outrun. So, he took a moment to gather his words and told her. 

She kept a thoughtful expression on her face while he talked, looking as if she was trying to reconcile that he was telling her with what she’d already picked up. When he was done, she remained silent for a moment longer, before sighing deeply and looking directly at him, a weary expression in her eyes.

"Let me get this straight: An actual, honest to God, Desolation is coming and you’re part of the Knights Radiant? Anything else I should know about?"

"You don’t believe me." 

"Oh, I do. It’s just… a lot to take in. I mean, storms, up until yesterday my problems were things I could actually run from." 

There was just an ounce of desperation in her voice and he felt a pang of guilt in his chest at the troubled expression on her face. Arys wasn’t the kind of person who invited pity, but he truly didn’t envy her position. After all, He knew what it was like to feel powerless in the face of something bigger. 

"I mean, yes, I kept an ear out, but deciding what to believe isn’t exactly easy when all you got is third-hand rumors." Fair enough. If he hadn’t been caught up in the midst of this whole mess, he’d have a hard time believing in stories about Radiants and Voidbringers, even if they were true. 

"Well, I’ve told you what you wanted to know, now it’s your turn. Why are you here?" Putting her on the spot like that almost made him feel a bit guilty, but even though she clearly had enough on her plate, he still needed to know what was going on. Meeting her here was just one coincidence too many.

„Why should I tell you? You are with the army and, believe it or not, I know how suspicious this all looks.“ For some reason, the fact that she couldn’t bring herself to trust him, even a little, bothered Kaladin.

"Because you don’t run halfway across Roshar for no good reason. Last time we met someone was after you. Storms Arys, someone just tried to kill you, and he didn’t look like some common looter." The honest truth was this, Kaladin was worried. If he saw someone in trouble, he wanted to help, easy as that. "Who in the world are you running from?"

She had no obligation to answer him, both of them knew that. Yes, calling the situation suspicious would’ve been an understatement, but there were still bigger things afoot right now. He didn’t have time to pursue every single mystery he came across, so if she didn’t want to talk there was nothing he could do. So, when she remained silent, he assumed he’d never get an answer, but just when he’d made his peace with letting it rest, she spoke up again in an unsure voice, barely loud enough to hear.

"The Ghostbloods." Kaladin froze, unable to formulate any sort of answer. "Yeah, _oops_ right?" She crossed her arms in front of her almost protectively, unable to meet his eye. 

"Storms…" Not a helpful response by any standards, but it was all he managed to get out. 

"Going by your reaction you know who they are?" 

"Yes. I’ve had… dealings with them, once or twice." Even though chances that she’d actually do something about it were slim to none, Kaladin didn’t feel like telling her that he’d been caught up in a plot to kill the King would be a good idea. For once, Arys didn’t seem to mind the vague answer though. She simply nodded and kept talking.

"I worked for them. Mostly kept my ears peeled for information. Did some other odd-jobs for them from time to time." In truth, he was surprised that she was telling him all this. 

Up until now, he’d had to scrap for every single bit of information about her. One way or another, she seemed to be more at ease now. It made asking the next question harder.

"So you were a spy?" There were countless ways this could go wrong, but rather than doing anything drastic, Arys simply chuckled. Almighty, he had absolutely no idea how to make sense of that woman.

"Not the most delicate way to put it but, yes." 

The sudden honesty surprised him, but besides that It made sense, her being a spy. A lot more than he’d have liked to admit. If their past interactions had taught him anything it was that she had an eye for people and was smarter than she let on. Too smart to betray the Ghostbloods without a good reason to do so.

"Why go against them? The Ghostbloods." Kaladin knew he was pushing it, but Arys seemed to be in a talkative mood, at least for her standards. 

"Well, I’m sure you already know, but their leaders aren’t exactly good people. To put it lightly." Now that he could agree with. "They act as if they’re fighting to give justice to the people, but in reality, they just want to grab power for themselves. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Lighteyes or not, if you’re a greedy son of a whore, you’re just that. So, I took what little I had against them and left. Fat load of good that did me." 

How about that, the schemer herself had an altruistic side. Maybe he'd judged her to soon, despite the way she'd acted the day they'd met. "That couldn’t have been an easy decision. Takes a lot of courage to do something like that."

"No." She fervently shook her head as if trying to prove him wrong. "I have no illusions about myself. I’ve never really considered myself brave and I’ll do what it takes to keep my head above water, even if it isn’t right. But enough is enough." 

Her harsh words caught him off-guard. Despite what she’d told him, Kaladin did think she was brave. You didn’t make a target out of yourself like she’d done unless you had some serious guts. Though he had a feeling she’d just try to prove him wrong if he brought it up again.

"So back when we first met, did you already know you’d go behind their backs? Is that why you wanted a favor so badly?"

"You give me too much credit." She was doing it again, he realized. Trying to diminish herself. He’d done that too after he’d first become a slave and lost himself. Just what had happened to Arys to make her act that way?

"Yes, I already had my doubts back then, but I wasn’t exactly planning anything yet. Besides, and no offense, if I’d needed an escape plan right then and there making you a part of it would’ve been the fastest way to get myself killed." 

"None taken." A pause. Then: "How does somebody like you fall in with the Ghostbloods?", he asked, genuinely curious.

„A lot of bad luck and even worse decisions.“ Even though this was only his third time talking to her, he could tell that the flippant response was code for _I don’t want to talk about it_ , so he let it be. Though it was clear as day though that she’d been through a lot. 

For the next few minutes, neither of them said anything, but unlike the last time, back in Dalinar’s war camp, the silence wasn’t awkward. Both of them were simply trying to process everything they’d just learned. It came as somewhat of a surprise to him when she was the first to speak up again.

"Hey, Kaladin?" He turned his head to find her looking at him, an expression on her face he couldn’t quite place. "Thanks for the help back there." He raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I didn’t do anything." 

"True. Though it’s nice knowing someone has your back." And there it was, a smile. A real one, not the kind she gave him whenever she tried to brush him off. It was contagious, and he found himself smiling back at her. Like anything good, the moment didn’t last long. "Well, I should go now. We’re not getting any younger standing around here, and you’re probably busy being a Radiant or something." 

This was it, her way of saying farewell. It was at that moment that he realized he had to make a choice. If he didn’t say something right now, Arys would be gone. In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter. Or, at least it shouldn’t matter, but he couldn’t help the feeling that letting her go like that would be a mistake. And then it clicked.

Arys was smart. She was capable and resourceful, not to mention that she had worked for, arguably, one of the most influential and dangerous underground organizations in the country. If he played this right, she might turn out to be a serious asset. When they first met, she’d made him a deal. Now, it was his turn.

"Wait." She stopped, looking directly at him. "Don’t leave. You could work with me instead. You've seen what the Voidbringers can do to us. We need all the help we can get." The words were out of his mouth before he could properly think them over. 

"Wait, are you offering me a job right now?" She looked just as surprised as he felt about his sudden offer, but, yes, essentially that’s what he’d just done. "Aren’t you a captain? No offense but you army guys aren’t exactly known for handling spies."

"But I work with people who do, and I’m sure they’d appreciate your insight."

"My insight? Kaladin, you’ve met me a total of three times. I could be the worst spy in history for all you know." No, she was good at what she did, and they both knew it. Otherwise, she'd be in the ground by now.

"I'm willing to take that chance. And if nothing else, you do have a solid left hook." Arys scoffed.

"I’ll take that as a compliment."

"It is. I wouldn’t have wanted to be on the receiving end on that punch earlier."

"Really now? The big, strong captain, scared of a little girl?" There was humor in her voice and a smirk on her lips. He wasn’t one for banter, but, for once, he found it easy to go along with it. 

"Now you’re pushing it. Besides, you’re not that short." They exchanged another lighthearted smile for the first time in a while he felt like everything was going to be alright, despite the fact that the world was determined to fall apart around him. 

The overwhelming majority of people started treating him differently once they found out what he was. Arys wasn’t one of them. There’d been none of that 'Brightlord' nonsense as if she could tell how uncomfortable it made him. It was what made talking to her easy, even if the circumstances of their meetings got stranger every time. 

_Yes, she’s got a gift, but that’s not the only reason you want to keep her around._

The thought caught him completely off-guard. In an instant, he’d lost complete track of their conversation, trying to justify his own mind going rogue like that. He just couldn’t make sense of it. Ironically enough, Arys herself was the one pulling him away from his thoughts.

"I just feel like working with Radiants might be a little out of my league."

He almost laughed out loud. Yes, Radiants were different and powerful, but they were still human, with all their failings. 

He thought about himself, making almost every possible mistake. About Bridge Four, a beautiful mess of some of the strangest people he’d ever met. Shallan and Adolin, stumbling blindly through Shadesmar and somehow making it work. From the outside, it might seem as if they had everything under control, but reality looked quite different.

"Don’t worry, you’ll fit right in."

He'd never considered himself as someone who had a way with words, but this time he seemed to have said just the right thing. The hesitation left her face, replaced by yet another smile. 

"Oh storm it. Alright, I’ll take your offer. But don’t say I didn’t warn you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to post-Oathbringer territory, which means I can go off the rails now!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen during a casual night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit light on the plot but I swear stuff will pick up soon!
> 
> Hope you still have fun reading! Thanks for sticking around and any kudos or comments <3

The door to the tavern creaked slightly as Kaladin opened it. Instantly, he was flooded by the sound of laughter and music and the warm light of candles that people tended to use, now that Stormlight had become a much more valuable commodity than it had been before. He scanned the room, looking for the people who’d invited him here and quickly found some members of Bridge Four sitting around a table, Rock, Teft, and Sigzil among them. They’d been telling him to take a break, even if just for a night, for weeks now and even though there was so much work to be done, he hadn’t been able to refuse them in the end. As he approached he was surprised to see another person sitting among his men. Arys.

She’d been more or less around since they’d met in Thaylen City. Like he’d assumed when he made the offer, Arys wasn’t working directly with him. She didn’t spend too much time in Urithiru at all. Most days she was off somewhere else, gathering and relaying information. In truth, Kaladin didn’t exactly know what she was doing, only that, apparently, it worked. Every once in a while she showed up at Bridge Four’s headquarters with valuable information. The locations of enemy strongholds, lines of supply, or attacks they were planning. Sometimes only a few days passed between those visits, sometimes it was weeks. 

Either way, every time she stopped by she liked to stay around for a while, chatting with him or his men. Especially when Rock had just prepared food. The Horneater had quickly taken a liking to her though and allowed her to eat with them whenever she came along. He’d also taken to calling her 'Young Miss' instead of her name, a fact which she’d only begrudgingly accepted. 

When he’d brought it up she told him, "Well, he’s allowed to say it, but only because his food is so good. I know you’re about a head taller and probably twice as strong as me but if you start calling me that too, I _will_ deck you." And that had been that.

Sigzil and Teft had already seen her once, very briefly when she'd come to call in the favor all those months ago, and were understandably confused as to who she was and what she was doing here of all places. When they asked about it, he’d expected her to remain characteristically vague with her answers, so it surprised him when she’d looked at him and said, "You tell them." 

Maybe it meant she trusted him more now, at least that’s what he hoped. She certainly seemed more open now, like she wasn’t carefully calculating and thinking about every sentence that left her mouth. It had taken a while, but he did consider her a friend by now.

Still, he hadn’t expected her to be here tonight.

"What are you doing here?"

"Charming." It took her reply for him to realize that what he’d said came across as incredibly rude, but the casual tone of her voice suggested she didn’t mind much. "But to answer your question, I’m collecting debts." When he raised an eyebrow at her, Teft took over.

"Turns out your friend is quite talented at cards. A bit _too_ talented if you ask me."

"Young Miss is cheating!", Rock chimed in. 

Instead of taking offense, she released a chuckle, looking back at Rock, a challenge hidden in her gaze. "Are you saying that because you have proof or because you don’t want to buy the drinks you owe me?" Neither of the two seemed to have an answer to that. 

"How many them _did_ you beat?", Kaladin asked, now curious.

"Everyone at this table." Now, why didn’t that surprise him at all? There was a playful glint in her eyes when she asked, "Want to give it a go as well?"

There might've not been any proof that she’d been cheating, but fact was that she’d beaten everyone in attendance. Even if she was sticking to the rules, Kaladin was willing to bet money she had an amazing game-face. Either way, he wasn’t exactly in the mood to gamble his money away.

"I’ll pass." 

"You, Captain, are no fun at all."

"Alright, enough. I’ll go get the drinks", Teft interrupted. "What do you want, Ale?"

"I’d prefer something that packs a bit more of a punch, to be honest. I’m off on another assignment tomorrow, so I might as well have a bit of fun while I can." That immediately caught Kaladin's attention.

"Really? To where?", he asked.

"Can’t tell you." Of course. He’d always known that being a spy required a lot of secrecy, but he hadn’t expected that she’d have to keep her plans from him as well. As if she could sense that he wasn’t too satisfied with her answer she added, "Shouldn’t be gone too long though. Two weeks, if everything goes smoothly."

"If." 

"Oh, come on, cut me some slack. I haven’t gotten myself into trouble yet, right?" She had a point. Since he’d recruited her to work for the Kholin family in Thaylen City, there hadn’t been any incidents. None that he was aware of, anyway. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her to do her job, it was obvious how capable she was. He was just… worried, for the lack of a better term. Kaladin wasn’t sure why, but every time she left on an assignment he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. And he couldn’t deny the surge of relief he felt whenever she returned either. 

"Let’s just hope it stays that way." While Kaladin himself remained reluctant, Rock dismissed his concerns with a wave of his hand.

"Don’t you worry Captain. Young Miss is smart."

Arys had a smug look on her face. "See, he gets it."

Before they could discuss the subject any further, Teft returned, drinks in hand. For a while they just sat there, drinking and chatting while two women, one with a flute and the other with some sort of string instrument, played their tunes. Rock was telling one of his fantastical stories about the peaks, the kind where it was impossible to know how much of it was true when a young man walked up to their table. He didn’t spare anyone a second glance, except for Arys that was.

Without any inhibitions, he asked, "Would you like to dance?"

She just shrugged and answered, "Why not." 

At her response, the man gave her a bright smile and held out a hand, leading her towards the middle of the room when she took it. A few other couples were already dancing there, but as soon as the two started moving to the music they might as well have not existed.

It was almost impossible not to look at Arys. She looked vibrant dancing there, sweeping across the floor as if she could've performed the steps in her sleep. Strange. He hadn’t expected her to be much of a dancer. In the grand scheme of things, dancing just seemed like such a frivolous skill to have and she was nothing if not practical. Looking at her at that very moment was like catching a glimpse of what the world could be like if they weren’t at war. A glimpse of the woman she could’ve been if she hadn’t gotten herself caught up with the Ghostbloods.

"You’re sweet on her, aren’t you?" Teft’s voice pulled him away from his thoughts and back to reality. "You just haven’t realized it yet."

"Nonsense."

"You can say what you want, but we all see the way you look at her." As if to underline his statement, the others all shot him knowing grin. Great.

"Well, she _is_ a good dancer", he defended.

"I didn’t just mean right now, son."

Kaladin hated to admit it but, _Storms,_ Teft was right. He’d caught himself stealing glances at her now and then, whenever she was around. Though he hadn’t really allowed himself to think about it like _that_. He was now though and quickly found that this way of thinking was a slippery slope, leading him down to a place he knew wouldn’t be smart to go. 

The song had ended and Arys was now talking to her partner, laughing at something he said. Then, he leaned in, whispering something in her ear. She took a step back, still smiling broadly but shaking her head ever so slightly. The man just shrugged and they parted ways with a casual wave of the hand. Right after that, she walked back to their table, plopping down on one of the chairs.

"You could've gone home with him. He was all starry-eyed for you", Teft remarked as soon as she sat down. Kaladin then realized that was probably what the stranger had been trying to accomplish when he'd whispered in her ear.

"Yes, I could've. If I wanted to." The _but I didn’t_ was implied and, even though he didn't want to admit it, hearing it lifted an invisible weight from his shoulders. "He's nice enough. Pretty too. He'll find someone else." True to her word, the young man was already talking to another woman, a smile on his lips. "Though it’s too bad I lost my dancing partner. I don’t suppose I could convince any of you to dance with me?" A pause. Then, "Kaladin?"

His response was almost immediate. "Don’t think so."

"What? Scared I’ll make you look bad? Come on, it’s easy. I’ll even lead." While he was sure she’d eventually let it go, he had the feeling his men wouldn’t let him live it down if he refused. So much for loyalty. 

And then there was the fact that, despite not knowing the first thing about dancing, he really, _really_ wanted to.

"Fine." A grin spread across her face at his reply and she rose from her seat once again, walking towards the middle of the room, where the rest of the dancers were already moving to the music.

She held out one of her hands and when he took it, she laid the other one on his shoulder. In turn, he put one hand on her waist, barely even touching her at all. 

"You’re too tense. Relax." Was he really that wound up? He exhaled and made an effort to relax. "See, that’s better. You ready?" 

Kaladin nodded.

Arys moved first, he followed in her steps. She started simple, moving them from side to side at first and, once he got that down, started spinning them around. As it turned out dancing wasn’t nearly as hard as he’d feared. Actually, it was a lot like practicing a kata, except you were holding a person instead of a weapon. Though he felt like that comparison wouldn’t be too popular with Arys, so he chose not to say anything. Either way, what mattered was that he wasn’t making a complete fool of himself right now. 

"Want to try a spin?" When he gave a nod of affirmation, she lifted their interlocked hands and turned under them until they were face to face again. So far so good.

When the music picked up in speed, so did Arys and soon they were moving and spinning at a pace he hadn’t know he was capable of, considering he didn’t know any of the steps. It was surprisingly easy. He didn't have to think about the movements at all, it just happened. All of a sudden it made sense, how Arys had looked so carefree when she’d been dancing with that man. As they moved along, he slowly felt his worries slip away. Not completely, but the fact that they were on the brink of a Desolation didn’t loom as quite large all of a sudden, that was worth a lot. Despite his earlier protests, the song ended way too soon, but he didn't dare ask her for another dance. 

"See, that wasn’t so bad." She was breathing heavily, cheeks flushed, but there was a genuine smile on her lips. One he couldn’t help but reciprocate.

"No, it wasn’t."

When they arrived back at the table Sigzil immediately asked, "So, what do you think, is our captain any good at dancing?"

"He’s got potential." Their eyes met again and they shared another smile. "So, who’s up for another round."

As it turned out, the answer to that question was everyone. By the time they decided to head back, it was so late the sun would be coming up right about then, though in Urithiru there sometimes was no way to tell. That and all of them were more than a little drunk. Kaladin had considered using Stormlight to get rid of it but decided against it in the end. The way things were now, who knew if he’d ever get to let his guard down like that and just forget for an evening. Act like someone his age, someone who didn’t have tons of responsibility weighing on him every waking moment. 

They were just about to go their separate ways, Kaladin’s group back to the Bridge Four Barracks and Arys to wherever she lived, when Sigzil stopped them. "Captain, you can’t possibly be thinking about having her walk all the way back alone. You should go with her."

Kaladin wanted to protest. Out of all the people who could possibly need an escort, she wasn’t one of them. Apparently, Arys herself wasn’t too fond of the idea either, as she was quick to demonstrate.

"Oh, come on, I’m not some helpless maiden in need of defense. I think I can handle the walk home."

"Is not about danger! It would be rude." She rolled her eyes at Rock’s interjection, but he was right. It _was_ common courtesy. She just didn’t seem like a person who cared too much about that kind of thing.

"Fine. But only because I’m too tired to argue." She looked over at Kaladin, making it clear that she’d just made the decision for both of them. "Well, are you coming?" Fair enough, he wasn’t exactly in the mood to argue either.

When they walked off he could basically feel his men’s eyes staring a hole into both of their backs, and the stupid grins on their faces, but he wasn’t about to give them the satisfaction of turning around. 

She led him through a maze of streets and alleyways and it was a mystery to him how she navigated them so well. As someone from the countryside, more urban areas had always been hard for him to find his way around in, but Arys didn't look like she was having any trouble at all. Maybe she’d grown up in a city. 

It was then that Kaladin realized that, despite everything, he knew next to nothing about her. Yes, he knew that she was smart and just reckless enough and more resourceful than most people gave her credit for. He knew she’d seen her fair share of danger, that, despite everything, she kept putting herself in danger for their cause. And he knew that he was feeling something more for her than he was ready to admit. 

But besides that, her past was still mostly a mystery to him.

"Where are you from?" The question had left his mouth before he’d had the time to think it over. For a split second, all he could think about had been wanting to know something more about her and, intoxicated as he was, he hadn’t thought to control that impulse. Storming alcohol.

"What brought this on?" Arys had every right to sound as confused as she did, the question really had come out of nowhere. Before he had time to come up with a sensible answer, she added, "I was born in a small farming village in Sebarial’s princedom, though I left that place years ago. Then I went to Kholinar for a few years, until I came to the warcamps."

"I didn’t know you were of high enough Nahn to travel freely." 

"I’m not", she answered casually. As if she wasn’t just admitting to breaking the law. Then again, that was hardly an unusual thing for her at this point. "But where there’s a will, there's a way, right?"

"It still would’ve been dangerous. Why leave your home at all?"

"I- It’s complicated." 

He immediately knew he’d struck a nerve with that question. She fell silent, making it clear that she’d rather not speak of whatever had happened. It'd been the same thing with the Bridgecrews at Sadeas' camp, where everyone’s past had been a well-guarded secret. The only thing that remained wholly theirs once everything else had been taken away. He’d never been a master of conversation, quite the opposite, but one thing he knew for certain: give a person something about your own life and they were more open to telling you about theirs.

"I left my hometown when my little brother got drafted. Signed up with the army to protect him." She shot him a confused glance, seemingly just as surprised about his openness as he was himself. Kaladin didn’t like talking about Tien. In fact, he never did, unless it couldn’t be helped. That’s what made the whole situation so strange. Because he found he _wanted_ to tell her. "He died." _I failed._ He quickly banished the thought from his mind. This wasn’t about him.

Arys stopped walking abruptly, looking at him, eyes wide. Usually, she was incredibly hard to read, always keeping her cards close to her chest, but right now he could see what he was feeling, clear as day. There was true sorrow in her eyes, and a sense of understanding he hadn’t been prepared for. 

"What was his name?" She didn’t say that she was sorry, because she didn’t need to. Because she knew that there was nothing she could say to make the pain go away and that pity, no matter how genuine, would only make it hurt more.

"Tien." 

"That’s a good name", she replied, a reluctant, but genuine smile on her lips.

They continued walking in silence after that, the relaxed atmosphere from before having dissolved into nothingness. It was only natural, considering the turn the conversation had taken, but still, Kaladin was afraid he’d made a terrible mistake asking her about the past in the first place. He honestly hadn’t wanted to destroy the good mood. That’s why it came as a surprise to him when Arys spoke up again. She didn’t stop walking when she started speaking, keeping her eyes firmly on the road ahead instead of looking at him.

"My father died shortly after I was born, so it was just my mother and I. The year I turned fifteen my mother wanted to marry again. Well, turns out that most men aren’t into the idea of taking care of a kid that isn’t their own." He didn’t know where she was going with this, but the tone of her voice made it clear it couldn’t be good. "So, my mother thought the fastest way to get that problem out of the way was to marry me off as well. When I told her I didn’t want to, she gave me an ultimatum. Marry the man she chose and get out of her house or, well, get out of her house. I chose the latter." 

Kaladin didn’t know what to say. He had had never seriously considered marriage to anyone, but the prospect of it seemed… daunting to him, even as an adult. As a youth of fifteen, he’d have been terrified, and he had no doubts whatsoever that Arys had felt the same back then.

"It wouldn’t have been the end of the world. Yes, I would’ve had to spend the rest of my life with someone I’d only spoken to a handful of times but I’d have been safe."

"But you still couldn’t go through with it." 

"No, I couldn’t. Because I knew that if I did, I’d never be free again." Her reply hit him like a punch to the gut. 

He knew what it was like to be in chains, to have his freedom taken away. It was as if being stuck in a room, looking out through a window to the wide world beyond, but knowing you’d never get to go there. Yes, you were alive, but the walls seemed to close in a little bit more with each passing day. Now, marriage wasn’t the same as slavery, or at least it shouldn’t be, but he understood what Arys meant. 

"I can’t believe your mother did that to you." Yes, his own parents had secretly made plans to marry him off to Laral way back when, but that had been different. They’d known each other for years, played together as children. And he was sure that if he’d opposed the match, his parents would’ve let it go. 

"Sometimes the things people do for love aren’t right, and they aren’t fair. And I do believe my mother truly loved the man she wanted to marry." 

He didn’t want to admit it, but Arys was right. He’d left his parents all alone, throwing aside the bright future they’d worked so hard to give him. All because he’d loved his little brother so much, he couldn’t have lived with himself if he’d let him go to war alone.

"She could’ve done worse you know? Yes, she wanted me gone, but she didn’t throw me out. I did that myself." That wasn’t entirely true and both of them knew it. Arys hade made a choice, but her mother had only given her two options. Neither of them good, by anyone’s standards. "I’m here now, that’s what matters, right?"

"Yes, I suppose it does." What he really wanted to say was something along the lines of _I’m glad you’re here_ but now of all times, his courage failed him. 

They didn’t speak for the rest of the way, but the silence wasn’t exactly oppressive. Both of them were simply thinking over the conversation that’d just happened. He had no idea what could possibly be going on in her mind right now, but, either way, his own thoughts were more than enough to keep him occupied. Unlike her past with the Ghostbloods, this had nothing to do with their work. He’d asked and she’d told him, not because she had to, but because she'd wanted it. Because she trusted him enough to speak about it. Kaladin only hoped it wasn’t just the alcohol loosening her tongue. 

Soon enough Arys stopped in front of a building, seamlessly blending into the walls around them as a lot houses in Urithiru did. It really was an unusual place. Even after months of living there, he still hadn’t gotten used to it. The strangest thing was not being able to see the sky, even when you were „outside“. It was oppressive in a way he struggled to put into words. His attention darted back to reality when he heard the tell-tale sound of a key clicking in a lock. 

"Well, here we are. Thanks for walking me back I suppose."

"No problem. Though it’s not like either of us had much of a choice in the matter."

She chuckled. "True enough." 

They stood there for a moment, at the door, as if neither of them was quite sure what to say after the turn the evening had taken. She was the first to break the silence. 

"I’ll come find you when I get back." He had no doubt she would. After all, she always visited after her assignments, armed with secrets she’d pried from the enemy's hands somehow. No, the problem was whether or not she made it back safely in the first place. 

"Yes, just… stay safe." The words didn’t feel enough, but they were all he could come up with. 

"Don’t worry, I will." 

She gave him one last smile and disappeared into the building, the door softly closing behind her. And there he was standing in the dark, slightly drunk and all alone with the mess that were his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longing has entered the chat.


	5. Interlude – Arys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The deal, but from Arys' perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter won't advance the plot but instead, it's the very first chapter of this story, but written from Arys' perspective. I figured it would be fun to flesh out the way she thinks and why she acts the way she acts, so here we go! I also thought it'd be a nice change of pace before we head into the last three (planned) chapters of the story.
> 
> Thanks again for reading and any kudo and comment, they fuel me <3 Enjoy!

Arys didn't mind waiting. Or, at least usually, she didn't. The thing was that, technically, she shouldn't even be here right now. There was work that needed to be done before sundown and right now, she wasn't doing much of anything. Anxiously, she tapped her foot on the ground. If you were slacking off on the job, you better had a damned good reason. She _did_ , even though the people she was working for might beg to differ. After all, she was about to go behind their backs or, at least, seriously considering the possibility of doing so.

She couldn’t explain why, but Arys had this looming feeling her arrangement with the Ghostbloods would turn sour sooner or later. Working for them was dangerous, always had been, but it wasn’t like she’d had much of a choice when she’d first taken their offer. Back when she’d been nothing more than a runaway, a scared little girl with nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep, they’d taken her in. They’d given her work when nobody else would, not out of some warped sense of goodness, but because they knew she couldn’t refuse. Now, she had a choice, and the time to make it would be soon. 

There was no plan as to what she'd do if she really ended up turning on the Ghostbloods. Though one thing was for sure, whatever happened next, she’d need people on her side. The easiest way to accomplish that was to give them something they desired and, through that, put them in your debt. That was the reason she was about to spend a considerable amount of her money on something she had no immediate use for except for the leverage it might provide. 

Eavesdropping on the goings-on inside the shop was easy enough. All she had to do was stand next to an open window, pretending to be loitering around on the street. The people in the market area were so busy, most of them didn't even spare her a glance as they passed by. Inside the store, a discussion was happening. As expected, with his poor wages the man she was waiting for wasn't able to get what he'd wanted. Still, she was shocked at how ridiculously expensive the antiseptic was. When the apothecary named his price, she was already trying to figure out, in the back of her mind, how to get by with however much money she'd be left with until the next payday. Though if she wanted her plan to succeed, there was no way around buying that antiseptic. 

It went quiet inside the building and soon enough the person she needed to speak to came walking out of the shop, already heading elsewhere. Arys slipped inside the door, knowing she didn’t have much time to get what she needed. When she left the store, she had to look around a bit to spot him again. Thankfully, he was rather tall and stood out among the crowd. 

Kaladin. That was his name. She’d set her sights on him just a few days ago. He was a slave, currently assigned to one of the bridgecrews. At first glance, it looked as if she was wasting her time. What good could having some brigeman in your debt possibly do? Thing was, he didn’t seem like an ordinary bridgeman. While the others had seemingly accepted their deaths, he still did things with a sort of purpose. People had been talking about how he’d brought back injured men from the field, trying to take care of them. There was even a rumor that he’d been a soldier before, something she was easily willing to believe. 

More importantly though, She needed someone who wasn’t in the Ghostblood’s pocket already, and their network stretched far further than even she knew. And where better to look than in a place nobody else even bothered with?

She’d almost caught up with him now. Arys took one more second to go over her plan one last time. It wasn’t great. No, if she was being honest with herself chances she’d actually see payoff were meager, but considering the circumstances, it was the best she could do. She’d just have to trust her gut on this one, just as she'd trusted it when it had warned her of the Ghostbloods and the schemes they were doubtlessly conceiving behind closed doors.

"Hey, wait!“, she yelled. The man kept walking even though she was sure he heard her. "Storms! I’m trying to talk to you!"

He kept ignoring her. Well, looked like she’d have to _make_ him listen, one way or another. Picking up her pace, she quickly crossed the remaining distance between them. When she was close enough she grabbed onto his forearm, forcing him to stop. He pulled away from her almost instantly, turning around. There was this intense look in his eyes that instinctively made her take a step back. Still, she couldn't afford to seem nervous, so she put on a smile.

"Relax, I just want to talk." 

Thankfully he looked confused rather than angry, as if he couldn’t comprehend that she wanted to speak to him. Fair enough, most people kept as far away from someone with a Shash brand as possible. But the simple truth was this: People didn’t need a brand to be dangerous. Arys knew that only all too well. 

"What do you want?" Well, wasn’t he a charming one. Not that it mattered, Kaladin was willing to listen, that’s what counted. 

She answered the question by pulling out the small bottle of antiseptic she’d just bought out of her satchel. Her bargaining chip. „I believe I can make you a better deal than that apothecary." Just as she’d predicted that got his attention. So far so good.

"Alright. How much do you want for it?" 

“I don’t want money. I need a favor" Usually, it wasn't a smart thing to keep your demands this vague, but, right now, the only thing she knew for certain was that, in case she turned on the Ghostbloods, she'd need help. What form that help would need to come in though, she hadn't the slightest idea.

„A favor, from a person like me?“ He looked surprised and confused, though she could hardly blame him for that. It was a rather unusual request. "What good would that do you?"

"Right now? None at all. I’m not asking for your help right now though. In exchange for the antiseptic I want you to promise me one favor, to be called in whenever I choose, no questions asked." That was the most important part _no questions asked_. In her line of business you kept your cards close to your chest, the fewer people knew what you were up to, the better. And if he didn't know what she was up to, he couldn't sell her out to the Ghostbloods either.

"Look, woman, I'm a bridgeman. Chances are I’ll be dead before the month is over. Even If I'm not, there's no way I could help you. Only an idiot would think otherwise."

She couldn’t argue with that. He was right and they both knew it. Even though she lived in a warcamp, Arys knew comparatively little about the workings of an army. But you didn’t have to be an expert to know that the bridgecrews were at the very bottom of the hierarchy. They dropped like flies and nobody missed them once they were gone. 

And yet, she couldn’t help the feeling that there was something different about Kaladin. It was the way he carried himself. More like a soldier than a bridgeman. But more than that, she could tell that even though his odds were poor at best, he still had some fight left in him. Yes, he’d fight, nails and teeth, for his life. And he’d go out fighting too, if he had to. That, she knew. 

If any bridgeman had the chance to survive and get himself out of the mess he was in, to somehow get into a position where he could return that favor, it was Kaladin. At least that’s what her gut told her. Her head on the other hand… better not to think about that. 

"All the more reason to say yes. Can’t owe me a favor if you’re dead, right?" This time around, she was in the right. If he died, he’d at least get some free medicine out of it. 

That was precisely why he couldn’t afford to reject an offer like this. For people like him, who lived from one day to the next, thinking past tomorrow simply wasn’t possible. There was no time to plan and calculate, you had to deal with your problems quickly, rather than smartly because everything else only got you killed. She'd learned that one the hard way. Yes, he might die tomorrow, but unless he took her offer, someone _would_ die today.

"Let’s assume I live to see the day you actually call in that favor, how do you know I won’t break my promise?" It was a good question, one that she didn’t have a solid answer to. 

"I have a hunch", Arys replied, trying to sound casual. It wasn’t good reasoning, but it was all she had. „You don’t seem like the type of man who’d go back on his word."

It wasn’t a lie, not completely anyway. The more logical part of her was screaming at her to stop this and go, but, deep inside, she had a feeling he wasn’t the kind of man who’d go back on his word. Over time, Arys had gotten good at sizing people up quickly, deciding whether or not they could be relied upon. Her hunches were seldom wrong, so she’d come to trust them, though the few times they were, she’d paid for it dearly. 

If she was wrong about this one though, all she’d lose was some money. Fair enough, considering her meager savings it wasn’t just _some_ money, quite the opposite actually, but that was beside the point. If she decided to trust him, and she was in the process of doing that, worst-case scenario was she’d lose her spheres. Comparatively low stakes, considering she’d gambled with far higher stakes before. Her life, for example. 

"And if you’re wrong?" He obviously hadn’t intended it, but that question only helped prove her point. If he was planning to cheat her, he would’ve taken the offer already. The fact that he was bothering to ask had to mean something. 

She put on another fake smile before answering in a casual tone, "Then you can laugh about it later." 

"You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?" He was just about fed up with the situation. Time for some harsher measures.

"Oh, I am. All you need to say is that you’re not interested in my deal and I’m gone. But you’re not going to do that." She held up the bottle, her only real leverage, in front go him. "Because you need this." 

He kept his eyes on the bottle, knowing she was right but still not answering. Slowly but surely, she was running out of patience as well. If he wasn’t convinced by now, maybe it was time to let him know what she knew. To remind him what was at stake.

"Look, Kaladin, that’s your name, isn’t it? I know you’ve been bringing back injured bridgemen from your runs." Kaladin visibly stiffened at her revelation, his hands balling to fists at his side, but she didn’t stop. "Men who _will_ die if they don’t get an antiseptic." 

"How do you know all this?" He took a step towards her, a dangerous glint in his eyes. 

Oh, Storms. Maybe this hadn’t been her brightest idea ever. But there was no way she was going to fold now. If you had skin in the game, you stayed in the game. And she was already in up to the neck. So, she stood her ground and held his gaze, hoping she looked more confident than she felt.

"People talk, I listen.“ Her voice came out firmer than she’d expected, that was a start. „Gossip spreads quickly in places like this.“ It was the truth. Mostly, at least. What she knew about him she'd mostly heard through gossip, though she _did_ have to dig a little.

He didn’t look too satisfied with her answer though, and, once again, she feared he might just walk away. But favor or not, she wasn’t willing to tell him any more than that. Handing out secrets like they were nothing wasn’t worth it. 

That's why she felt like an invisible weight was being lifted from her chest when he said, "Alright, I’ll take your offer." _Finally._

"See, this wasn't so hard now, was it?" She held out her hand, to give him the damn antiseptic and have this over with, but he cut her off.

"Wait." For a second she feared he'd changed his mind. "You know my name. If I’m going to be making any kind of deal I want to know yours." 

Oh. That was a reasonable demand, she supposed. Usually, she made a point of not revealing things about herself, it only got you in trouble. But telling someone your name was harmless enough.

"Fair enough. I’m Arys. So, we have a deal?" 

"We have a deal", he answered, taking the antiseptic from her hand. "But why a favor? Isn't there something that'd be more useful to you right now?" He probably thought she was strange, suspicious even. Arys could work with that. Better to seem strange than weak, to seem suspicious rather than stupid.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but this world is a dangerous place. Having a few favors to call in makes it a little safer. Anyway, it was a pleasure doing business with you." Instead of a proper response, he simply nodded. She was just happy he seemed satisfied with her answer for once. 

"I'll see you around, Kaladin."

With that, she turned around and walked off. Outwards she maintained her casual attitude, but on the inside, she felt quite different. On one hand, she was glad that this was over with, that her plan had worked in the first place. On the other side, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d made a mistake. Kaladin had been sure he would be dead before he’d get a chance to deliver on his promise. She’d seen her fair share of fights and scuffles in alleyways but had never been to an actual battlefield. And if things went according to plan, she wouldn’t have to in the foreseeable future, so she could only make guesses as to how bad bridge runs really were. _Bad_ , considering the death toll. 

Not that she could do anything about it now, the deal was made. And, hey, maybe she’d get lucky and wouldn’t have a reason to call in the favor at all. Though the way things had been going lately, the possibility of that was slim. The bad feeling she’d been having about the Ghostbloods only intensified with each passing day. 

Arys wasn’t above doing the wrong thing, she’d lied and stolen and broken the law. If there was even a droplet of truth to Vorin teachings she was headed straight for Damnation, but there were still limits to what she was willing to do. And she couldn’t help the feeling that the Ghostbloods were about to cross that line.

That was a concern for another day though. For now, she had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed this short break, next time things are going to pick up for real! Thanks for reading and see you around.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin thinks things over and plans are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after a bunch of set-up, this story is finally picking up momentum! This is also the longest chapter so far, I hope It doesn't drag but splitting it wouldn't have made sense. 
> 
> Have fun reading and thanks for any kudos and comments <3

Kaladin had a problem. Well, on top of all the trouble that open warfare with the Parshendi tended to bring. And that problem had a name: Arys.

Ever since his little realization the night before she'd for her mission, he’d been trying not to think about her, or his own treacherous feelings. Even if he fell for her in earnest, nothing good could possibly come of it. She was his friend. They worked together for Storms’ sake! Not to mention that they were in the midst of a Desolation. This wasn’t the time for… well, Kaladin wasn’t quite sure what exactly he wanted, but whatever it was, right now wasn’t the time for it. 

"You’re thinking about her again." Syl was sitting on his shoulder, a smug look on her face. 

"What?", he asked even though he was pretty sure what she was talking about. Or, more aptly put, who.

"Arys. You always have that look in your eyes when you think about her." That’s what he’d thought. Syl just knew him too well, or, at least he hoped that’s what it was. It was certainly preferable to him being that obvious.

"Syl…"

"Teft was right, you _like_ her. You should tell her, as soon as she gets back!" Her enthusiasm was endearing, really, but he couldn’t help the feeling that she didn’t truly know what she was talking about. 

"It isn’t that simple." She didn’t seem satisfied with his answer though, looking slightly confused. "We’re at war. This isn’t the right time."

"That sounds like something a coward would say." She was hovering in front of his face now, pointing an accusing finger at him. Whether he liked to admit it or not, she had a point. Even if the circumstances were different, he wouldn’t have been sure what to do with the situation. 

"Either way, I’m sure she doesn’t feel the same way." It wasn’t something he necessarily wanted to think about, but Kaladin hoped it would at least put an end to his 'discussion' with Syl. 

Of course, it didn’t.

"Hmm… yes, you might have a point", she answered, looking if deep in thought and pacing in the air in front of him. Despite her words, Kaladin couldn’t help a chuckle. It was sweet, how genuine she was.

"Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?" 

"Well, you do act like you have a stick up your rear most of the time. As a woman, I can confidently say that we don’t find that very attractive." Was a _Spren_ actually lecturing him about women right now? Forget the Desolation, this was the strangest thing that had ever happened to him. 

"Syl, you’re a Spren." She let out an indignant huff, her facial expression making it obvious that she wasn’t pleased with his response.

"She’s to smart for you anyway. And too pretty." He could tell she didn’t really mean it, that she was merely trying to retort to his 'insult'. Still, she had a point. Surely, Arys could do better than him. Not that he wanted to think about it, mind you. 

At least Syl considered the conversation done and over with, already having found something else to occupy her thoughts. As annoying as her fickle nature could be sometimes, right now it was working to his advantage. At least he could concentrate on his work now rather than have a drawn-out discussion.

That said, his resolution was shattered when the very person he’d been so desperately trying not to think showed up mere minutes later. Arys was back.

He couldn’t help the surgeon’s instinct and quickly looked her over once. She was seemingly unhurt. Despite the fact that she’d never come back seriously injured from her once, a treacherous relief flooded his veins at seeing her unharmed. She looked tired though. The smile on her face, though it seemed genuine, did nothing to hide the dark circles under her eyes. 

"Well, here I am." She might’ve looked exhausted, but there was a cheerfulness to her voice he hadn’t expected. It hit him like a blow to the face.

Well, screw him, he had it _bad._

"Here you are," he answered lamely, not knowing what else to say. 

"Are you okay? You seem kind of… out of it." 

"Me?" Kaladin mentally slapped himself. He had no business acting like one of the ten fools over her. "I think I should be asking you that." 

She released an exasperated chuckle. "I feel like I haven’t slept in a week." She looked it too, though saying that out loud wouldn’t have been a good idea. "But top brass wants to have a chat so that will have to wait." 

"Didn’t you already debrief?" 

"Yes, but they want to talk to both of us, so I came here to pick you up." 

"You could’ve sent a runner. Would have saved you the walk."

"True, but I promised I’d come see you as soon as I got back, didn’t I?" There was a playful smile on her lips as she said the words, one that made him feel as if his stomach had flipped itself upside-down. "Well, come on. Better not keep the boss waiting."

Turned out 'the boss' was none other than Jasnah Kholin herself. He already knew that Arys frequently carried out assignments for her, but what could she possibly want from him? 

Thankfully, Jasnah didn't waste any time, getting straight to the point. Arys was to leave on another espionage mission immediately. The catch was this: the city she was supposed to travel to was not only occupied by the Parshendi but also not in the vicinity of any working Oathgates. On top of that, the intelligence she was after, though predictably nobody would tell him what exactly that may be, was not only incredibly important, but also time-sensitive. And that's where, at least according to Jasnah, he came into play. Her plan was to have him fly Arys to the city using his Windrunner powers and bring her back once her work was done. 

He didn't like where this idea, not one bit, but before he could voice his concerns, Arys interjected. "I’m sure Kaladin has better things to do than act as some glorified transport. Besides Bridge Four can’t use their powers without him. That’s how many soldiers out of commission?"

It was as if she'd read his mind. Even though he'd been worrying about her whenever she went away, people were counting on him and he couldn't just leave them behind like that. 

"We don’t have any other options I’m afraid. You know how important this is, we can’t afford to lose this lead just because it took you too long to travel to the site." The two women looked at each other and it was as if they were having an entire conversation in their heads. It was blatantly obvious how much more than him Arys knew about the entire situation.

Then, Arys swallowed audibly, and tentatively, she shook her head. "Of course. I’ll need a few hours to prepare, but we can leave today."

The way she’d completely changed her stance, just like that, surprised him. It was completely unlike her. It couldn’t have happened just because Jasnah was royalty, he had the distinct feeling that she didn’t care too much for authority. No, she’d given in without even trying because Jasnah was _right_. Now, if he only knew what that meant. Well, she did and, in the end, that was all that mattered.

Either way, it was clear that he wasn’t going to get a say in this. It was frustrating but, in the end, he trusted Arys to make the right decision, so he, if reluctantly so, agreed to the plan.

"There's the matter of your disguise," Jasnah said, looking at him. Right, the Parshendi knew him, so he couldn't just walk into one of their cities without making sure he wouldn't be recognized. 

She pulled a small, round object out of her pocket and held it out towards him. "Shallan helped make it. If you inhale Stormlight from this source, it will conceal the brands on your forehead. The Illusion doesn't take a lot of Stormlight and this holds a lot, so you don't have to worry about it running out." 

He took the small orb and held it in his hand in a second, before inhaling deeply. Stormlight streamed into him, but it felt different than usual. He had no control over it. While he didn't know what to make of the situation, Jasnah had a pleased look in her eyes when she looked at him, or rather, his forehead. It must be working then.

After giving him a nod, she then shifted her attention to Arys. "I assume you still have the maps I gave you?“ She nodded. "Good. I’ll leave the rest to the two of you then."

— 

With that, they were dismissed. Not a word was spoken on the way out, but after they'd left the building, or, well, as close as something could come to an actual building while being inside of an even more massive tower, she looked at him almost apologetically.

"I’m sorry about this mess. Helping the resident spy cross the country probably isn’t your top priority right now." It wasn’t, but there was nothing to be done about it now. Bridge Four would manage during his absence, they always did.

"Don’t be. It’s hardly your fault that you can’t fly."

"Still…"

"It’s fine, really. Besides, Jasnah made it sound like this was really important."

"Yes, and she’s right. We need to haul ass, or we’re going to miss our window, and the way the war is going we _really_ can’t afford that." 

"I suppose you’re not going to tell me what it is we’re after?" The way she looked at him already made it crystal clear what the answer would be.

"Sorry, I can’t. Not yet, anyway." Of course she couldn’t. Nothing was ever that easy with her. "Hey, don’t give me that look! it’s for your own protection, you know." That gave him pause.

"You’re worried? About _me_?" 

"Of course I am. Wouldn’t want you getting hurt on my behalf."

She sounded honest, but it was still hard to believe. Ever since he’d decided to follow Tien to war, Kaladin had been the one trying to protect others. His squad members back in Amaram’s army, Bridge Four, and now, the entire population of Urithiru. The idea that someone else was trying to protect him seemed strange. Kaladin didn’t know if he even had it in him to let himself be protected. Still, he’d have been lying if he said that the sentiment was an unwelcome one. 

Or if he said that he didn’t feel a pang of affection at her words. This time, instead of standing there like some slack-jawed idiot, he recovered fast enough for it not to seem weird.

"Well, it’s a good thing hurting me is really hard then."

Arys rolled her eyes. "Careful there, Radiant. Pride comes before the fall."

"You would know," he shot back, suddenly caught up in the flow of their conversation. 

She just chuckled. "Prick" He’d have liked nothing more than to continue with this banter, but there were more important things to be taken care of right now. 

"So, what now?"

"As I said, I need an hour or two to prepare. You do too, probably. I’ll meet you back at Bridge Four headquarters as soon as I’m done." That sounded like a plan, but there was one more thing about the whole situation that bothered him. 

"Are you sure you don’t want to catch some sleep and go tomorrow?" She just shook her head at the proposition. 

"No, I’d rather we leave as soon as possible."

"Arys, when was the last time you had a proper rest?" The answer was an obvious 'not in a long while', not that she’d ever admit to it.

"Me? As if you’re one to talk. You’re _always_ working." Before he could retort, she quickly added, "And don’t try and tell me you don’t get tired because you’re a Radiant. That’s not how it works, Renarin told me so." 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, she had a point. His men frequently told him he needed to rest more. Even Syl did. And he was absolutely terrible at following that particular bit of advice. Still, right now she was clearly getting the shorter end of the stick, so he wasn’t quite willing to let it go.

"I’m not the one who looks like they’ve been to Damnation and back again."

She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Well, not everyone can be as pretty as you." That made his thoughts stop dead in his tracks. Out of all the directions, this conversation could possibly have gone in, he hadn’t been expecting this one. "Oh come on, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. Pretty much every woman in the city is fawning over you. The men too, if I think about it," she added nonchalantly.

He felt the heat rising in his face. "I uh… Thanks?" 

That’s when the implications of what she’d just said finally seemed to sink in. Arys quickly looked away from him and Kaladin could’ve sworn there was a slight blush to her cheeks. 

"Well, let’s go." She almost choked on the words. "We don’t have all day."

Neither of them spoke as they made their way through Urithiru, but unlike the other night, the one right before she’d left, the silence had a strange tension to it, the cause of which was obvious. _Great going Kaladin_. Still, once in a while he couldn’t help but steal a glance at her. He knew it was stupid, knew this was going nowhere, but still couldn’t help it. When they split up to go their respective ways, it was both, a relief and a disappointment. 

— 

Explaining to his men that he’d be gone for an indefinite amount of time wasn’t exactly fun. Especially since he couldn’t even tell them what he was going to be up to. They took it with some complaints, but, in the end, they did take it. After discussing the situation and making sure everything would run smoothly in his absence, he went directly for his rooms to prepare. Easier said than done, not knowing _what_ exactly he was preparing for. 

In the end, he just crammed a waterskin and, just to be on the safe side, some fresh bandages into a small satchel, together with a pouch full of infused spheres. Then he changed from his uniform into something that wouldn't immediately get Parshendi soldiers called on him. Wearing civilian clothing almost felt strange. After all this time, the Kholin uniform felt like a second skin to him. Although, he wasn’t truly put off until he saw his own reflection in the mirror. Shallan’s illusion was working flawlessly, the brands on his forehead nowhere to be seen. The markings had become such a permanent factor in his life, he barely even thought about them anymore. But seeing them gone… now that was strange. It was almost as if catching a glimpse at the person he could’ve been.

His musings were interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on his door, instantly followed up by a familiar voice. 

"It’s me, Arys." Well, that was unexpected. He hadn’t thought she'd just show up in his private quarters.

"Come in, the door’s unlocked."

A second later he heard the telltale _click_ of the door handle being pressed down and Arys entered the room. She had a small satchel slung over her body and was wearing a different set of traveling clothes than before. Her eyes roamed around the room for a second and she released a low whistle. 

"Fancy." She wasn’t wrong about that. If he was being honest, it still felt strange to live in such well-furnished rooms after all that had happened. "I hope I’m not intruding, Sigzil said I’d find you here." Well, that explained how she knew where he lived, though someone like her could have easily found out through other means.

"Not at all."

"Good, then let’s talk business. Can’t just waltz into Parshendi territory without a plan, right?" The question was obviously a rhetorical one. While he already knew the basic outline of the mission, they didn’t really have a plan on how to go about it yet, though he suspected she’d already given it some thought.

"Have you been to an occupied city before?", he asked.

„Only once, very briefly.“ Her tone suggested that it hadn’t been a very pleasant experience. Made sense, considering what he’d seen in towns where the Parshendi had taken over. "The hardest part is getting in and out unnoticed, but if you have a route set up all you need to do is keep your head down and you should be fine."

"I assume you have one then? A route?" She nodded. 

"Yes, that’s taken care of. Let me show you." 

She pulled a scroll out of her bag and rolled out on the table in the middle of the room, motioning for Kaladin to come join her. First, she showed him the city they were headed to, then she pointed out a different spot on the map, a good distance removed from their actual destination. 

"Years ago there used to be an outpost at that place. It must’ve been rather shabby though because it was trashed by a Highstorm. Nobody ever bothered to clean up the rubble though, so the remains are still there." Kaladin wasn’t sure where she was going with this, but if Arys was bothering to point it out there had to be _something_ about that ruin. "Thing is, there was a tunnel connecting the outpost to the city. Before the Desolation smugglers used it for years to get stuff inside the town without the citylord knowing."

"Stuff?", he asked.

"Drugs, mostly. Not that it matters now, it’s our way in and, if everything goes well, our way out." 

"And what are our chances of that happening?" 

"If you manage to keep your head down? I’d say we shouldn’t run into much trouble at all. Or, well, _I_ shouldn’t."

"What do you mean by that?" He had a very distinct feeling that he wouldn’t like the answer.

"I mean that when we’re in the city, you need to stay hidden." She must've noticed he wasn't to keen on the idea, because she quickly added. "Kaladin, no offense, but you’re probably the most conspicuous person I know."

"Come on, you’ve met Lopen and Rock."

"Alright, so maybe not the most conspicuous, but if I had to make a list, you’d definitely be on there. Point being, when we get there, you need to hang back and let me do my work."

"My brands are concealed, though. Nobody will know it's me!"

"We both know this isn't about your brands. You draw attention wherever you go. How do you think I found out about you, all this time ago?"

The rational part of him damn well knew she was right. Kaladin was a good soldier, but in a situation like that, he’d only get in the way. When it came to gathering intelligence, Arys was far more experienced than him. She was good at it too, the results spoke for themselves. Ever since she’d started working for the Kholin family, her track record had been flawless. No, Kaladin the Soldier knew what he had to do. Kaladin the person, on the other hand, couldn’t help but worry for her.

"So, what, you want me to just let you walk around an occupied city alone while you're trying to scam the Parshendi out of their information?"

"Yes." There wasn’t a trace of humor in her voice now, but he wasn’t ready to let the topic drop. "Don’t look at me like that, this is hardly the first time I’ve done this. I’ve been a spy for quite a while now, in case you hadn’t noticed."

"That was _before_ the Desolation." 

"You don’t need a Voidbringer to get yourself killed. If you know someone’s out to stab you in the back, it doesn’t matter if the person holding the knife is human or not, you know that." 

Of course he knew, but that did nothing to alleviate the knot of anxiety in his gut. Still, telling her why he was being so difficult would only make the situation worse.

"Look, just because I don’t glow or fly doesn’t mean I’m made out of glass." She was definitely toeing the line to anger now and Kaladin felt a pang of shame at the realization. He had no right to act like this, no matter how he felt. 

"You’re right." He almost couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye. "I’m sorry, I was overstepping my bounds."

"You were." She sounded harsh, but her gaze softened just a moment later. "Good thing I’m so gracious and forgiving, right?", she added, her voice having taken on a playful tone again.

The rest of their impromptu strategy meeting didn’t take long. They decided to fly until it got dark, then walk the rest of the way. If the Parshendi caught a Radiant in the sky that would promptly put an end to the entire affair. And while the glow that emanated from Kaladin’s skin whenever he breathed in Stormlight was barely visible during the day, at night he’d light up like a beacon. According to their estimates though, they easily had enough daylight left to put them into walking distance of their target. The goal was to not only enter, but also leave unnoticed by the Parshendi, so on the way back they’d leave the tunnel under the cover of night and walk far enough that they wouldn’t be seen in the sky. 

It all seemed needlessly complicated, at least from a soldier’s perspective, but he wasn't going on this mission as a soldier. Even he knew that it'd be nothing short of a disaster if they were noticed.

What irked him more than anything else though, was that he would essentially be doing nothing while Arys carried out the mission. Not only because it was _her_ , but because he simply wasn’t used to laying low while somebody else did all the work. If he wanted their assignment to go as smoothly as possible, and he did, there was nothing to be done about that.

They decided to leave immediately after going over their plans, not wanting to lose any more precious daylight. As they were walking outside the tower he noticed that there was a different kind of air about Arys. Almost like that of a soldier getting ready for battle. 

"So," Now that they'd left the walls of Urithiru behind, she looked towards the horizon, uncertainty in her gaze, "Now you just… make us fly?" The prospect didn’t seem particularly attractive to her. 

"Technically, it’s more like falling." She didn’t look particularly reassured by that. If anything, she seemed to tense up at the explanation.

"I know this is a stupid question, but you’re _sure_ you won’t drop me, right?" 

"I’m sure." It was strange to see her that nervous. She’d been calmer when he’d caught her in the middle of a fist-fight in the ruins of Thaylen City. "Are you ready?" 

She nodded, a determined glint in her dark eyes. "As ready as I’ll ever be."

He gave her a curt nod and breathed in Stormlight. Every part of him came alight with power, beckoning him to use it. When he lifted them into the air though, Arys suddenly grabbed onto his hand. He instantly whipped his head around to look at her, but her eyes were squeezed closed in a combination of what was, probably, fear and anticipation. The gesture surprised him at first but then he remembered that most people weren’t exactly comfortable falling through the sky. Even though he was painfully aware that she was only holding onto him through reflex, he couldn’t help threading his fingers through hers as they flew. 

Syl changed into her human form when she noticed, just so she could shoot Kaladin a grin that very clearly said something along the lines of 'told you so.' 

They’d been in the air for a few minutes when she reluctantly opened her eyes. The winds were too loud around them to hear much of anything, but when she looked down he could clearly see her gasp. Then her eyes found his again, wide as if she still couldn’t really believe that what they were doing was truly possible. She didn’t look scared. Instead, her expression was full of wonder at the view that stretched below them. 

And then, she smiled. 

That’s when his head spontaneously decided to stop working. Completely. Because all of a sudden it was as if nothing else mattered anymore. For a moment there was no war, no danger. Just the two of them, looking at each other, and the sky. And then the moment ended. Tentatively she loosened the grip on his hand and pulled away. 

He wished she hadn’t.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two set out on their mission, but things don't go quite as they'd planned. Because let's be honest, when do they ever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, a HUGE thank you to everyone who's stuck around this mess <3
> 
> Including this, there are only three more (planned) chapters, so the pace is going to pick up quite a bit from here, hope you enjoy. Also, as always, thanks for any kudos and comments, they mean so, so much to me <3

The sun was just beginning to set over the horizon when Kaladin lashed Arys and himself towards the ground again. She almost stumbled as gravity resumed its natural flow, so he quickly grabbed her by the elbow to keep her upright. 

"That was… I don’t even know what to say", she said after she’d righted herself. Her short hair was disheveled from their flight, sticking out in every different direction and her cheeks were flushed from the crisp evening air. In her eyes shimmered an expression of wonder. 

She was beautiful. 

It was strange that the fact only occurred to him now, when he’d known for a while now that he cared for her, as more than just a friend. Up until now, he’d simply not paid much attention to her looks.

"Well, let’s get going." She quickly walked past him, taking the lead. Part of him desperately wanted to see the expression on her face now, to know what was going through her head. 

Thankfully, the moons were shining brightly enough that they could easily see where they were going. To be safe, they kept off the road where the going was tougher but the chance of coming across a random patrol was close to zero. They made good time, walking at a quick pace. At this rate, they shouldn’t have any problems reaching the tunnel before dawn. 

Arys might’ve been tired to the bone, but she refused to show it. As they walked she never slowed her pace or asked to stop and rest for a minute, though whether that was out of some strange sense of pride or for the good of the mission, he couldn’t tell. What he did know though, was that asking her to rest would’ve not only been pointless but also hypocritical. Kaladin himself was tired out, and he wouldn’t have wanted to slow down either. 

After they crested another hill, the remains of the outpost finally came into view, while the actual city was visible as a dark spot on the horizon. The site itself was a mess of broken stone and wood. They had to search for a good while, but, in the end, Arys found something.

"Here, help me with this." She pointed to a large, thick board of wood. It didn’t look like much, but by now he’d come to trust her intuition. 

Together, they lifted it, revealing a trapdoor on the ground. What about that, she’d been right on the money. When Arys crouched down and opened it, a cloud of dust puffed up into the air. 

"Do you want me to go-"

He didn’t get to finish the sentence as she’d already swung her legs over the ledge and, with one determined push, disappeared into the dark. A split second later he heard a soft thud. 

"First…" So much for that.

Then, a little speck of light illuminated the darkness. He crouched down and vaulted himself into the hole, making sure to close the hatch as he went down. Turned out he’d underestimated the height of the drop a bit though, so he almost fell on impact. This time around, she steadied him when he stumbled.

"Thanks."

"Only returning the favor." The dim light of the sphere softly illuminated her face, revealing a smile. "Let’s go."

The first thing he noticed about the tunnel was how stale and musty the air was. Combined with how narrow the passage was it made for a rather oppressive atmosphere. The complete opposite of soaring through the sky. It was darker and harder to navigate than it’d been outside, but they didn’t dare use more than one sphere for light. As it was, the single diamond chip Arys was holding in her hand barely illuminated the ground in front of them.

Not only was the tunnel so narrow they couldn’t quite walk beside each other, but the walls were so low he had to duck a little in order to not hit his head. He found that one out the hard way, after hitting his head on the ceiling. When Arys heard his pained grunt she released a quiet chuckle.

"And here I always hated being this short. Guess it comes with some perks, at least."

"We’ll see how much you’ll like being short the next time you need something off a high shelf", he grumbled, though she only laughed at that. 

In the dark, it was hard to tell how much time had passed already. It had to have been a while though, at least based on the exhaustion that was slowly but surely creeping up on him. After more walking, it could’ve been minutes or hours, the cavern expanded into what resembled an almost circular room, the end of the tunnel. It was a relief to finally being able to stand up straight again. As Arys held up the sphere another trapdoor became visible, set into the ceiling. 

"We can’t take the spheres into town." She was right. Him, or a Singer, could drain them on accident and that would be nothing short of a disaster. 

So, they dug a shallow hole with their hands and buried the pouch in it, just in case someone else came this way. They only kept the single sphere Arys was using for light. Kaladin had become so used to having an abundance of Stormlight, to being able to access his powers whenever he needed to, this made him feel almost… naked, in a strange way. 

"Stay hidden as much as you can, even the townspeople could tip off the Parshendi if they get the feeling you could be trouble. It would be best if you stayed in the safehouse. If anyone asks for your name, make one up." 

"And what about you?" 

"You know I can’t tell you. The more people know about this, the greater the risk in case we’re caught or captured." She must’ve noticed his hesitation "Kaladin, do you trust me?" 

"Yes." 

The word had left his mouth before he had the chance to even think about it. Because he _did_ trust her. The thought almost made him smile. When they’d first met, he’d easily counted her among the most suspicious people he’d ever met. Now he was willing to put his life in her hands. 

She nodded, and even in the dim light, he could see the resolution on her face. "Good. Then let’s do this." 

In order to reach the door, she had to get up on her tip-toes, but she eventually managed. Then, she knocked in a strange, yet calculated rhythm. A sign for their contact, probably. There was a noise of something heavy scraping against the floor and then the hatch opened. After spending a while in the darkness of the tunnel, the light was almost blinding and Kaladin had to shield his eyes for a few seconds while he was adjusting to it. 

Arys was looking up into the light, and, apparently, liked what she saw. Which, in this case, meant there wasn’t a Parshendi guard already waiting for them. She took a step back and a second later a rope-ladder dropped into the hole. She nodded at him in affirmation before climbing up, through the trap door. For a second he was left all alone in the dark tunnel, then he followed. 

Reaching the top of the ladder and pulling himself out of the hole, he found himself in a small room, a woman standing next to Arys. She was looking at him with obvious suspicion in her eyes.

"Who’s that?" She sounded about as happy as she looked, though Arys didn’t let her composure slip. 

"My partner."

"Didn’t know I’d be hiding two of you. That’s twice the trouble."

"Well, it’s either both of us, or neither." He couldn’t be sure if she was bluffing to get the woman to relent or not, but she seemed sincere enough. 

Either way, it worked. The woman didn’t seem too pleased but nodded. Then, she turned around and beckoned them to follow her. They emerged into a small room, which doubled as a kitchen and living space at the same time. When he turned around, he saw that the trapdoor was hidden in some sort of supply closet. 

After making sure the curtains were drawn, the woman, probably somewhere in her fifties, with greying hair and a stern face, introduced herself as Khara and told them, in no uncertain terms, not to make trouble. Part of him wanted to be annoyed at her behavior, but he knew she was just scared of what could happen if they were caught. However gruffly she might treat them, she was taking the risk of sheltering them, he’d do well not to forget that.

Then, Arys and Khara exchanged a look and a second later she told him, with an apologetic look on her face that he should wait here, while she and Karah disappeared behind a door to discuss 'confidential matters'. He heard them whisper in hushed tones, too quietly to make out any words or sentences. When Arys emerged from the room again, the look on her face was unreadable to him, though as soon as their eyes met, she shot him a grin instead. It bothered him that he didn’t know how much of it was real.

"We have a few more hours until sunup and I don't know about you, but I'm going to catch some sleep." That was a solid enough plan. "Khara was gracious enough to volunteer her kitchen floor for us to crash on. Nothing like the ground to make you appreciate your actual bed, right?" She sounded oddly cheerful considering she was about to spend the night on the cold, hard ground.

"You don’t seem to mind much."

"Well, if I’m tired I can sleep just about anywhere. And, turns out, I’m _very_ tired." Fair enough. Kaladin himself felt about as tired as she looked, so he laid down on the floor as well.

They lay far enough apart as that it wasn’t indecent, at least considering their circumstances. But they were still just close enough that he could feel the subtle warmth radiating off her form and hear the rhythm of her breath. If he stretched out his arm, he could probably touch her. It was the last thought that went through his head as he drifted off to sleep. He didn’t dream.

When he woke up, it was to the sound of footsteps. Blinking his eyes against the morning light, it took him a second to remember where he was. Kharas house. The mission.

"You talk in your sleep." It was Arys’ voice. How’d she known he was awake? Either way, his sleep-addled mind didn’t quite know what to do with what she’d just told him.

"What?" 

"Last night. You were mumbling something in your sleep." Weird. Nobody had ever told him he’d been talking in his sleep before. 

"What did I say?"

"It was mostly incomprehensible, but I heard you say your brother’s name." He didn’t need to ask which brother she meant. Kaladin only ever dreamt about Tien. For a second he didn’t know what to say, though Arys seemed to misinterpret that silence. "Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, sorry."

„No, it’s alright.“ It was the truth. Kaladin didn’t like talking about Tien to anyone, but, for some reason, the fact that Arys had brought him up didn’t bother him. 

He knew he didn’t just feel this way about it because he liked her, it was more than that. They’d told each other about some of the most painful things in their pasts. And they hadn’t judged each other for it. 

"Are you though? You’ve been… I don’t know, acting off lately."

She wasn’t wrong. With the entire country breaking down around all of them, he’d been spreading himself pretty thin. And then there was the fact that, even though he tried not to, he might’ve been acting differently around her since figuring out that he liked her more than as just a friend. None of this would’ve fit into a neat little explanation though, so he stuck with his default answer to that particular question.

"I’m fine." 

"Yeah, likely." She didn’t sound convinced at all, not that he could fault her for that. He’d always been an exceptionally bad liar. "Look, I know this isn’t my place to say anything but…", she paused, almost as if she was unsure to say next, "If you ever want to talk or scream or just drink yourself into oblivion, I’ll be there." 

For a second he was so stunned by how genuine she sounded, he couldn’t figure out what to say to that. Then, a warm feeling spread through him.

"Thank you, seriously."

"Can’t let you get wasted on your own, after all. Someone needs to make sure you don’t pass out in the gutter." Even though the answer almost sounded like a joke, Kaladin thought he’d heard something else in her voice as well. Something true. "Well, I got to run now. Secrets don’t tend to pry themselves from the enemy's hands after all."

And just like that, without giving him the time to reply, she was out the door. Maybe she didn’t want a repeat of the disagreement they’d had in his rooms before they’d left. Though, probably, she was just in a hurry to get where she needed to be. 

„Do you want me to look for her?“ Syl had appeared right in front of him, not two seconds after Arys had left the house.

„No, stay here.“

The offer was tempting, but it would’ve felt wrong to send Syl after Arys. It would’ve meant betraying her trust, and the mere thought of it made him feel sick. Besides, there was always the chance that one of the Parshendi might see her and however slim that chance may be, he didn’t want to risk it. 

She rolled her eyes while crossing her arms in front of herself. Even though she’d been with him for quite a while now, it still took him by surprise how human she could be when she wanted to. „Hey! Just because you have to stay cooped up here all day, bored of your mind, doesn’t mean I should do the same.“

„Syl…“

„Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’ll stay here.“ She wasn’t happy with the situation, that much was obvious, but she wouldn’t go against him in this either. Good enough. 

The day passed in a haze, yet agonizingly slowly. Kaladin simply wasn’t used to not having anything to do. Karah was so suspicious of him, she wouldn’t even let him help out around the house. Not only that, but being cooped up in a single building for an entire day was… taxing in a strange way. He became restless and it only got worse as the hours trickled by, with no way to relieve the pent up energy. And then there was something he hadn’t felt in a long while. Boredom. Ever since he’d decided to do something to save Bridge Four, all the way back in Sadeas’ warcamp, he’d been too busy for boredom to take hold in his mind. 

The worst thing by far though was the worrying. 

Despite the fact that, logically, he knew Arys was good at what she did, that she’d done it a million times before, despite the fact that he’d said he trusted her and _meant_ it, Kaladin couldn’t squash the anxiety festering in the back of his mind. The last time he’d been this preoccupied with a person’s well-being, an individual person, not the general idea of protecting a life, had been when Tien was alive. Because he’d loved him. 

The thought had crept up on him so unexpectedly, it hit him with the force of a Highstorm. Storm’s sake, what he was feeling for Arys was more than just a casual attraction, more than a simple crush, wasn’t it? It was love. 

The realization was both, exhilarating and absolutely terrifying. 

Enough so, that he didn’t want to think about it. If Syl knew what was going on in his mind right now, she’d call him a coward again, but right now he had to focus his thoughts on the mission and getting back safely, even though he didn’t have anything to do at the moment. Kaladin just couldn’t allow himself to become distracted, especially because both, Arys and Jasnah herself had stressed how important the piece of information they were after was. Kaladin the person would have to wait until they got back to Urithiru. Right now, he had to be Kaladin the soldier. 

So, he bade his time until, late at night, Arys came back. She gave him a smile even though she looked worn out and went to sleep again soon after she’d returned. Not having anything else to do, he did the same sleeping deeply, despite the fact that he was lying on the floor. When he woke up in the morning, Arys was already gone.

The day passed in a similar fashion to the one before. He’d never considered himself particularly impatient but Kaladin couldn’t wait for this assignment to finally be over. While one day of doing absolutely nothing had been grating, two were almost excruciating. Though, thankfully, when Arys came back that night, no earlier than the one before, she did so with good news in tow. She told him she was close to getting what they needed. That, if everything went well, they could leave tomorrow night. 

But when the sun set the next day, Arys still wasn’t back. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t unusual, after all, she’d always come back rather late. Then an hour passed. And another one. With every minute that slipped by the feeling of dread that had crept up on him grew stronger. When he couldn't bear it any longer, he sought out Khara who, thankfully, was home. She ought to know more than he did, at the very least. Maybe Arys had even told her where she'd planned to go.

When he approached her, Khara almost looked surprised. As if she hadn't expected to talk to him at all. "The woman I came here with, where did she go? She said she’d be back by now."

She crossed her arms in front of her. "Why’d I tell you? She told me you were going to wait here, not snoop around."

"Look, if something’s happened to her, it might be trouble for you as well, so, please, tell me where she went."

She looked at him with a contemplative gaze. She didn’t trust him, that much was for sure, but that didn’t matter at the moment. The only thing that did, at least for her, was whether telling him about Arys’ plans or leaving the situation alone was a greater risk. 

"Alright", she finally caved, describing to him the building where Arys had went. As cold as she’d been acting ever since he’d arrived in town, there was a silver of genuine concern in her eyes.

As soon as she was finished, Kaladin was out on the streets. He wanted to run, but that would’ve drawn attention, so he had to settle for a brisk walk, even though it almost drove him mad. Though that wasn’t the only thing that Arys had been right, he wasn’t suited for this. Even though all he was doing was walking down the street, Kaladin couldn’t help but feel that everyone was staring at him. As if they knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. Considering the situation from a rational angle, he knew it was all in his head, but that didn’t change the way he felt. There was this sense of danger, creeping up on you but just out of sight, almost oppressive. So different from confronting an enemy on the battlefield. 

Finally, he reached the house Khara had described. Thankfully, the door was unlocked. Without checking for sings of people first, something Arys would doubtlessly have given him hell for, he entered the building. It was dark and quiet in the hallway, but behind a half-open door, he could see a dim light. The kind that candles gave off, rather than spheres. His instincts told him Arys would be behind that door. 

His instincts screamed at him to brace for danger. 

As much as he wanted to rush in, he had to be careful. Causing a commotion would just make the whole thing that much worse. So, he crept up to the door as silently as possible, trying not to make a sound. He already had his hand around the door handle, ready to push it open, but was overcome with a strange hesitancy. Almost as if he already knew that, whatever was waiting behind that door, couldn’t be good. In that second he hoped feverishly that his hunches weren’t nearly as spot-on as Arys’. Then, he opened the door. 

And his blood ran cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger? cliffhanger


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath of something terrible can change a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm really insecure abt how this chapter came out. It might be okay and it might be a horrible pile of word vomit, but I really, really hope it's something closer to the first. Either way, I hope you still enjoy!
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always <3

When he saw the scene before him, Kaladin’s heart skipped a beat. Arys was standing there, in the middle of the room. And she was covered in blood. 

The front of her shirt was completely drenched in it. He wasn’t even sure how she was still standing, at this rate she’d bleed out in a matter of minutes. Usually, the surgeon would’ve taken over at that very second, but, strangely, he didn’t. Kaladin barely registered someone, himself, calling her name as he crossed the distance between them as quickly as he could. All that mattered was that, despite everything he’d seen and done, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she died now. 

But when he reached out for her, she flinched away, a wild look in her eyes. She didn’t move like someone who was about to die from blood-loss, but he didn’t realize what was really going on until she spelled it out for him. 

"Not mine." The blood. It wasn’t hers. 

A weight heavier than even that of a bridge was lifted from his shoulders and relief flooded through him. Only then did he really take in the room they were in. Slumped on the floor a few paces away from Arys lay a figure, unmoving. A dead body. 

All of a sudden it was painfully obvious what had happened here. There’d been a fight. And, considering how careful she’d been not to draw attention, she wasn’t the one who’d started it. So, Arys had been attacked, but by whom? And why? Apparently, the questions were so clearly written on his face, she answered even when he hadn’t asked yet. 

"Ghostblood assassin," she ground out. "We were fighting and then-" Arys couldn’t finish, seeming to choke on her words. "Oh, Storms… I’ve killed a man."

It was then, that it all became clear to him. She hadn’t killed before. He could’ve slapped himself for not realizing it sooner. She always acted so confident, even in dangerous situations, he’d just assumed she’d already- Whatever. Right now, what he did or didn’t think wasn’t important. 

Focusing back on her, he noticed that she was looking rather pale and her hands were shaking badly. Storms, he needed to do something, before this got worse. He reached out, slowly as not to startle her again, and laid his hands on the sides of her arms. This time she didn’t flinch or pull away, in fact, she didn’t seem to be responding at all. This was bad. 

He’d seen this before plenty of times, in the army. Every soldier he’d met had reacted differently to their first kill. Some of them, himself included, felt nothing but a strange numbness that subsided with time. Others described it as the feeling of walls closing in around them, accompanied by a surge of panic strong enough to knock you off your feet. There was no way to know for sure, but Arys had seemed to be experiencing something closer to the latter. 

"Arys." He was speaking loud and clear, trying to get her out of the state she was in, but she didn’t react. She was just looking at him, no, through him, as if she was somewhere else entirely. Kaladin tried again, louder and more forceful. " _Arys_ , look at me!" This time, it worked. Her eyes focused on his, but aside from that, she wasn’t doing any better than before. 

"Breathe." 

When she didn’t respond, Kaladin took one of her hands in his and laid it on his chest, breathing in and out deeply and slowly. As he’d hoped, it helped her find her rhythm. It took a few shaky breaths, but soon enough she was breathing in synch with him. After that, she started to look better with every passing second and after a few minutes, the episode seemed to have passed. Though, when she finally spoke, her voice sounded impossibly weak.

"Kaladin?" 

"Come on, you should sit down." 

She didn’t protest when he led her even further away from the body and carefully helped her sit down on the floor. He kept looking at her, to make sure she was okay, but Arys, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to meet his eye. The silence seemed to stretch out between them, almost unbearable.

"I’m sorry." Her voice was small, and dripping with guilt and for a second he had no idea what she was on about. A second later he felt a twinge in his chest at the realization that she wasn’t talking about the assassin possibly compromising their mission, she couldn’t have done anything about that, but about how she’d reacted to killing the Ghostblood agent. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. This is normal." 

Not that it mattered much. By now, he knew Arys well enough to know that she’d beat herself up about it regardless. All of a sudden he felt a powerful rage knock into him. Rage at everything and nothing, all at the same time. At the world that had forced her to do this.

It was simple. He’d never enjoyed taking someone else’s life, but the truth was that he was good at it. And for the first time in what felt like ages, Kaladin remembered that it shouldn’t have to be like that. Before his mind got the time to go off on that particular tangent though, she spoke up again. 

"We should probably move." Just like that any trace of nervousness was gone and Arys was the spy again. Still, Kaladin wasn’t convinced. By now, he knew how good she was at hiding her true emotions and killing someone, that wasn’t something you could shake within a matter of minutes. 

"You sure? We can rest a bit longer," he tried, unable to hide the concern in his voice. 

"I’ll be fine. We can’t afford to lose any more time in here." Technically, she was right, but that did nothing to quell his worries. She was pushing herself, that much was clear but babying her might even be worse. So, all he could do for now, was hope she wasn’t pushing too hard.

"Alright," he replied, holding out a hand to help her get up. 

She didn’t take it. Instead, she pushed herself to her feet and made a beeline for the corpse on the floor. Without hesitation, she bent down picking up an object he identified to be a dagger a second later. She wiped the bloody weapon on the dead man’s coat and hid the weapon away on her person. 

"We can’t leave the body here. If it's discovered it could be trouble for the townspeople, we’ll have to take him to the tunnel. We’ll need to be careful though, he might have backup waiting there." 

"You think there is more than one assassin?"

"Not really. The Ghostbloods usually work alone, but we still need to prepare for the possibility. We can’t afford another slip-up." True enough. 

It was nothing short of a miracle that they managed to maneuver the streets with Arys looking like she’d just walked out of a slaughterhouse and a dead body in tow without drawing attention. That, and Syl keeping an eye out for patrols. Predictably, Khara wasn’t exactly happy about their predicament either, even though she did seem genuinely concerned for them. Still, she, quite understandably so, wanted them gone as soon as possible, though that wasn’t much of a problem. They weren’t planning on sticking around. 

Kaladin dropped down into the tunnel first, just in case more Ghostbloods were waiting for them, but when he held out a sphere for light, he saw nobody at all. When he nodded at Arys, she unceremoniously dropped the body down the hole and climbed down the ladder. Then, the trapdoor closed over them and they were left in the near dark again. 

Thankfully, she didn’t protest when he told her to stay put while he secured the area. Arys’ prediction had been right, there wasn’t anyone else in the tunnel beside them. So, they dug out the pocket of spheres again and made their way towards the exit, dragging the body behind them. As they were walking, she didn’t say a single word, and neither did he. The darkness in the tunnel seemed even more oppressive than the last time they’d passed through it. 

When they eventually reached the exit, they had to confront the question of what to do with the body. Burying would have taken too much time and burning might’ve attracted attention, so they left him there, in the darkness of the tunnel they'd just made a tomb. He felt almost dirty doing it but, at the moment, they didn’t have much of a choice. 

Under the cover of what remained of the night, they walked, putting as much distance between themselves and the town before first light. Once in a while, he’d steal a glance at Arys, to try and make sure she was okay, but every time he looked, all he saw was her walking forward with a determined gait and stony expression on her features. When the sun finally did rise above the horizon and it became light enough for his glow not to be obvious, he sucked in Stormlight, not wanting to admit to himself how much he'd missed the feeling of it during those two days, and lifted them up into the sky.

This time around, she didn’t reach for his hand. This time, she didn’t smile.

—

As soon as they arrived and Kaladin let go of the lashings he'd put on both of them, she took a big step away from him. 

"Thanks, seriously. I’ll go debrief now, but you’re off the hook. You probably have enough work piled up as it is." Wait, was she trying to avoid talking to him? It bothered him, of course it did, but he had to admit that she had more than good reason to do so. Storm him, he probably would’ve done the same in her shoes.

"You might want to change first though," he responded, gesturing at her ruined shirt. 

"Oh." She looked down her front, predictably not too pleased with what she was seeing. "Yeah, you’re probably right." 

"See you later?" Even though Kaladin cringed at himself for pushing like this, he couldn’t help asking. 

"Depends. I might be busy."

With that, she walked off leaving him unsure of whether he ought to worry or not. Considering she was acting as if nothing was wrong, the answer to that should’ve been no. She even gave him the tiniest of smiles before walking off, but the thing was this: He wasn't quite sure if it was real or not. 

Out of everyone, the first person he ran into after making it back to Bridge Four headquarters was Teft. He crossed his arms in front of him and looked Kaladin up and down once, on his face an expression somewhere between concern and suspicion. Teft looked at him like this too often lately, at least for his taste.

"You okay captain?" 

"Me?" If Kaladin had somehow managed to come out of this mission looking even worse off than Arys, this was a new low, even for him. Though, to be fair, Teft had always been eerily good at knowing when something was on his mind. "Yeah, I’m fine."

"And her?" 

"She’ll be okay." The words were out of his mouth before he was sure he really meant them.

—

That same night, Kaladin lay in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark, not even trying to sleep. It wouldn’t have worked anyway. He was too busy turning over the events of the past day in his mind, again and again. 

And in his heart?

There he felt an incredible guilt for not having been able to help Arys when she’d needed it. Yes, rationally he knew that there wasn't much he could’ve done. Part of him wanted to beat himself up for not staying with her during the mission, but Kaladin knew that even though he could’ve prevented her from killing the assassin, there were at least a million ways he could’ve endangered both of them just by being there. No, staying behind had been the safest option, for both of them. 

At this point, he wondered if he was beating himself up about this whole mess more than she was. Yes, she’d been a bit off but, at the end of the day, she’d managed herself just fine. How much of this was just him feeling inadequate, as always? And, more importantly, if this had happened to anyone else would he be feeling the same right now, or was his perspective skewed by the feelings he harbored for Arys? 

Thinking about it almost made his head spin. Storms, this situation was all kinds of screwed. 

A knock at his door instantly flung him back into reality. Who in Damnation could this be?! If it was Sigzil again with 'reports that couldn’t wait until morning' but _definitely_ could he’d- 

Kaladin didn’t get to finish the thought, because as he threw open the door none other than Arys was waiting on the other side of it. She was about the last person he’d expected, especially considering how eager she’d seemed to get away from him just a few hours before. What was she doing here? Before he had the chance to say anything though, she was already talking. 

"How do you do it?"

He didn’t answer. Instead, he gestured for her to come inside. Whatever she was talking about, and he had absolutely no clue as to what that might be, it probably wasn’t a conversation to be had on the doorstep. He led her further inside the room, so they could sit and took his place on the couch. Instead of sitting down on the armchair on the opposite side of the table though, she surprised Kaladin by slumping down on the couch next to him. 

"Do what?" Kaladin finally asked when they’d sat down. 

"Keep on going. After… after taking someone’s life." Her voice broke towards the end of the sentence, sending a stab of phantom pain right through his chest. "I’ve bartered and lied and stolen. And, yes, I’ve hurt people, but I’ve never- never killed anyone." It was a good question, one that he, and nobody else for that matter, had an answer to. 

"Arys, he would’ve killed you. You did what you had to." 

"I know!" The sudden burst of anger startled him so much he almost jumped, but it was gone as quickly as it'd come. Now she just looked exhausted. "I know… It’s just I saw the expression his face when he died and it was just wrong. I damn well know he wasn’t a good person, but neither am I. What right do I have to still stand here when he’s dead?" 

"You can’t think like that." It wasn’t a satisfying answer, no matter how you looked at it, but it was all he could come up with. "And you’re not a bad person." She just scoffed.

"How can you say that?! You have no idea of the things I’ve done to keep myself alive. I might not have killed until yesterday, but I _did_ ruin people.“ There was something raw in her voice and he realized this wasn’t just about one man she'd happened to kill, this was about years of accumulated guilt. Now this, he could understand. Not that he necessarily knew how to deal with it.

"That’s in the past! You left the Ghostbloods behind, even though you knew they’d send someone after you." It was hypocritical to say, seeing as he was the last person to let go of the past, but it was all he had.

"That doesn’t erase what I’ve done," she answered, her voice emanating a bitterness he hadn’t expected of her. This wasn’t working, he needed a different approach.

"Do you think I’m a bad person?"

"What!? No!" The response came immediately, not a trace of doubt in her voice. Then, her expression softened and she added, in a tone he couldn’t quite place, "Sometimes I feel like you’re the only good one left in this place.“

Would you look at that, his plan had actually worked. Though he didn’t really know what to make of the second half of her statement. "Well, I’ve killed more people than I could count on the battlefield. People with lives and families of their own, all for the sake of some squabbling Highprinces. So, if I’m not a bad person, then you aren’t one either." 

She just sighed but didn’t try to refute what he’d just said. That was something. Instead, she just looked at him, in her eyes an expression he’d never seen in them before. Warmth, paired with something deeper he couldn’t decipher. It almost made his heart skip a beat. It certainly made his mind shut down completely in less time than it took him to drain a sphere. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder now, barely touching but oh-so-close. There wasn’t much distance between them at all. If he leaned in now, he could kiss her. He felt like, right in this moment, she’d let him. Like she might even want it. 

The thought hit him with such an intensity it knocked his mind right out of the trance it'd been in. He couldn't do it. Arys had come here because she needed help. Because she trusted him enough to confide in him. If he took advantage of the situation now, he might never forgive himself. Or she might never if he was misreading this, which would be arguably worse. 

So, he quickly looked the other way and, a second later, felt Arys shifting away from him ever so slightly. A moment passed in silence, then she sighed softly and got to her feet. The weight on the couch shifted as she got up and, all of a sudden, he felt terribly alone. 

"I should probably leave. It’s late and I’m sure you’re busy tomorrow." He wanted nothing more than for her to stay. But this wasn’t about him. 

"Do you want me to walk you back?", he asked.

"I’ll be alright." She looked absolutely exhausted, and Kaladin could tell that what had happened was still weighing heavy on her mind, but she was right. Arys _would_ be alright, she was strong like that. Stronger than him, he realized. 

He walked her back to the door though, and just as she was about to leave, one foot already over the doorstep, she turned around one last time. 

"Hey, Kaladin?" He nodded. "Thanks." 

It was just one simple word but, in that second, it was more than enough.

"Don’t mention it." 

When Kaladin went back to bed, he did so fully expecting not to fall asleep for the rest of the night, trapped by thoughts. Strangely enough, he drifted off to sleep before the sun rose to announce the new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, so that was the penultimate chapter! I really struggled with keeping the feelings and interactions in this one at least somewhat natural while not shifting the power balance between the two too much. I really hope it came out alright.
> 
> See you next time with the final chapter I guess!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two idiots finally sort out their shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, the final chapter! I hope it isn’t just a bunch of word vomit. This is the first time that I’ve finished smth this long so posting it feels almost weird. If you have any opinions on this silly little AU as a whole, or the ending, I’d love to read them! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around and have fun reading <3

Kaladin had been in a strange mood all day, even before getting the order. 

That damned order. 

He’d been so busy being annoyed with the fact that he wasn’t allowed to know what kind of information Arys and him had been hunting for on that storming mission, he’d never stopped to consider that knowing might be worse. Well, now he knew. And, yes, it was indeed worse.

Just a few minutes ago, he, and the rest of Bridge Four, had been briefed on a mission they were about to be sent on. The other’s couldn’t have known, but, to him, it was crystal clear that the plan for this mission only existed because of whatever information it was Arys had been able to obtain on that trip to the occupied city. That in itself wasn’t a problem. No, the reason Kaladin was so upset lay in the contents of said order. They were to attack a Parshendi city, one that wasn't inhibited by any human hostages while a sizable part of their defenses was gone for a supply-run to, you guessed it, the town he'd just visited with Arys. That didn't sit right with him.

Maybe not wanting to attack people made him a bad soldier. Still, it didn't change how he felt.

It was all becoming too much, too quickly. He needed to be alone, at least for a moment. To sort out his thoughts. So, after making sure everything was in order, he left the others as quickly as he could. Hopefully, they didn’t think too much of it, though considering how nosey they could be the chances of that were rather close to zero. Yes, deep down he knew that they were worried, maybe even with good reason, but that still didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it.

Bridge Four had spearheaded rescue missions and defended human territory, but they’d never initiated an attack. Back in Amaram’s army, he’d never thought about what going into battle really implied. All the death. All the people inevitably left behind. Not until meeting Bridge Four. Not until what’d happened to Arys just a few days ago.

Arys, whom he hadn’t spoken to since the night she’d showed up on his doorstep. Sure, she still dropped by whenever she was in the area, but it wasn’t the same. She didn’t linger as long anymore and whenever she saw him… well, she waved him from across the room, or hallway, and quickly made herself scarce. Maybe she was just busy. 

Or she was avoiding him.

That one was one possibility he didn’t want to think about. Especially since, and he felt incredibly stupid admitting it to himself, he missed having her around. Not that they’d been spending all that much time together, but they’d fallen a rhythm of sorts. A comfortable one, that he missed now that it was gone. 

When he rounded the corner on the way back to his rooms however, none other was already waiting for him, arms crossed and all-too casually leaning against the wall than Arys herself. Part of him wanted to be happy to see her, but he could tell something was off. 

"You got your orders yet?" The fake nonchalance that accompanied her question set something off in him. Something awfully close to anger.

"Don’t pretend like you don’t know already", he snapped. The words came out harsher than intended, but between her all but ignoring him for days and him feeling so conflicted about his new orders, he couldn’t seem to hold back. And then there was the fact that she'd _known_ about this entire mess before him. He couldn't help but feel… almost betrayed.

When she actually seemed taken aback by his harsh response though, he immediately felt a sharp stab of shame and frustration in his chest. Releasing a sigh Kaladin, absent-mindedly ran a hand through his hair, equally irritated by the entire situation as with his own reaction to it. He wasn’t angry with her, not really. What he was upset about was the strange rift between them, the fact that behind all her secrets and masks she’d become near unreachable. 

That, and the knowledge that, at least partly, she was doing it on purpose. 

"Yeah… sorry." She quickly looked away and went quiet for a second. „I just- Are you okay? It doesn’t take a genius to see you’re not exactly happy about them.“ The words themselves might’ve been clumsy, but he could feel real concern shining through between them. 

Apparently, that was one thing they had in common. Somehow still being able to worry about each other while stubbornly ignoring their own problems. 

"I’ll live." Somehow, he always did.

"You better."

They settled into a strange kind of silence after that, one that was anything but comfortable. Somehow, Kaladin sensed that if he didn’t say something soon, she’d up and leave again and, as annoyed as he was with her, he still didn’t want that. He wasn’t quite sure whether his infatuation with her running that deep was a good or a bad thing though. So, he went with the first thing that came to mind.

"What about you? You’ve been busy, right?" He might as well have said 'you’ve been avoiding me and I know it'. It was petty, but he couldn’t help it. 

"Yeah, mostly prep work though." If she’d caught the implication, and Arys was way too smart not to, she was doing a world-class job of playing it off. "I’ll be off on another assignment. Sooner rather later too, I’d wager." 

"Seriously?" He hadn’t thought anything by it, though she obviously did.

"What do you mean 'seriously'?", she answered, arms defensively crossed in front of her chest.

"I thought after what happened last time you wouldn’t-" The second the words left his mouth, Kaladin knew he’d made a mistake. Arys’ eyes instantly narrowed into slits.

"Wouldn’t what, Kaladin? Wouldn’t want to go back out on another mission?" 

"We both saw what killing that man did to you," he wanted to end the sentence with something along the lines of 'and you deserve better than having to feel like that ever again' but what came out of his mouth instead was, "It might be better if you stayed here." _Great._

In truth, the last thing he wanted right now was a repeat of the almost-fight they’d had in his rooms before leaving for that cursed mission, even though that was exactly where they were headed. Maybe, if he’d been in a better mood, or she hadn’t been avoiding him things could’ve played out differently. He damn well knew he was being an ass, that he was in the wrong, but the irrational part of his mind, the one that felt rather than thought had taken over at this point. Not that this justified anything, least of all in her eyes. 

"So you don’t trust me when I say I’ll be able to handle this?! What am I to you, some weak little girl who can't take care of herself?!"

"That’s not it! I know you can handle yourself but-" She cut him off with a stare so sharp, he could’ve sworn he felt it physically cutting into him.

"Look, ever since the day I walked out of my mother’s house, trust has been a luxury I couldn’t afford. Until I met you. Don’t take this away from me now." Kaladin felt something in him break at the pleading look in her eyes. If he’d had a better way with words, he might’ve said it was his heart. 

What hit him ever harder though, was the raw honesty in her voice. 

"I just want you to be safe." His voice was barely more than a whisper. 

"Safe? You want me safe?!" It was as if a flip had been switched. The wall she'd put up around herself finally crumbled, anger bubbling out from under the cracks. Even though Kaladin knew what’d come next couldn’t be good, but he didn’t dare interrupt her. "Well, guess what Kaladin, that’s not going to happen. We’re storming at war! And either way, you don’t get to tell me what to do!"

"I get it, okay?! You want to keep people safe, it's a Windrunner thing." She took a big breath, seeming marginally calmer now. "Scratch that, it's a you thing. But this, this is bigger than your desire to protect people. And it sure as damnation is bigger than my safety." This time around, it was him who lost his composure. 

" **I know!** " It took him a second to realize how loud he’d yelled, but when he did Kaladin almost recoiled in shame. This was all kinds of wrong. 

"Then why are we even having this argument?!" 

The dissonance between her words and her anger was so jarring, he finally, _finally_ managed to snap out of it. This was getting out of hand. The entirety of Roshar was at war and here they were, fighting like little children. When he looked at her, really looked, with a gaze that wasn’t skewed by the heat of the moment, Arys’ eyes were a cesspool of emotion. Anger and frustration, wild and untamed. 

And then there was something else, something he couldn't quite place. Still, it was familiar. It was the same fickle thing he'd felt when their gazes had met the other night, in his rooms. Tearing his eyes away took more out of him than expected.

Kaladin was about to take a step back, to put some distance between them, literally and figuratively, but Arys moved quicker. One second she was grabbing him by the lapels of his uniform and the next her lips were on his. 

Wait, _what?_

Before he could even begin to come up with an appropriate response, it was over, his eyes wide open and hands still hovering uselessly at his sides. The kiss couldn't have lasted more than a second and, at any rate, he was too stunned to respond. His mind had effectively stopped working. Arys, on the other hand, just seemed to have gained back control over hers. She stepped back from him abruptly, almost pushing him away in the process, on her face an expression of blank terror. 

"Oh shit." 

Seconds passed and he didn’t respond. "I am _so_ sorry, I wasn’t thinking!" Another pause, during which she was clearly waiting for him to say something. Once again, he failed miserably.

"But, storms, Kaladin I was getting all these mixed signals from you, for a second there I thought it might be okay. I don’t want to say you were leading be on, but you kind of were!" Some distant part of his mind was screaming at him to _say something you absolute chullhead but his tongue wouldn’t obey._

"Like, the other night you looked at me like that, and I thought... Never mind. Please, let's never speak about this ever again." Arys was talking so fast now, she was almost tripping over her words. Wait. Was she rambling? Well, that was new. "I’ll go find the nearest chasm now and throw myself into it, if you don’t mind."

With that, she turned around, about to walk away. Only then did he manage to finally to snap out of the daze he’d been caught in, realizing he should probably say something before it was too late. Of course she wasn’t really going to throw herself into a chasm. Though chances were good she’d avoid him until the end of time if he didn’t do something.

"Arys, wait!"

She tentatively turned around and when she finally looked at him again, about a million questions were written all over her face. It was clear she was waiting for him to follow up. Now, if only he had even an inkling of an idea what to say. 

"I’m not- I mean you didn’t-" This was already going horribly. "You weren’t wrong."

"What?" She looked utterly confused, not that he could blame her for it. What’d just come out of his mouth was nothing short of an absolute disaster. 

"I don’t mind that you kissed me." Her eyes went wide. "And I wasn’t leading you on. At least I wasn’t trying to."

"Then why would you-" 

"Because I have feelings for you." She blinked, as if she wasn’t quite comprehending what he’d just said.

"Oh." Never in his entire life, had he seen her at a loss for words like this. If he hadn’t been preoccupied with much more important things, he’d have made a mental note to remember this moment. "Then why didn’t you say anything!?"

"I could ask you the same question, you know."

Arys' brows knit together and she looked away, almost as if she was embarrassed. He thought she was going to come up with some snarky response but instead, she just sighed, before looking him in the eye again, her expression softening.

"I thought about saying something to you before but… Storms, the timing was just awful." At least he hadn’t been the only one who’d been caught up on that. Though whether that made neither of them a coward, or both, he couldn’t tell. Not that it mattered, not anymore.

"And now it isn’t?", he asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Oh, it totally is, maybe even more than before, but I don’t care anymore." A smile crept up on her face, one he found to be infectious.

"Me neither." 

Arys took a step towards him, then another, the cheerful glint not leaving her eyes. "So?" 

"So…"

This was it, one of those moments that divided your life into a 'before' and an 'after'. She moved slowly, unlike before. As if she was trying to say that he could still walk away from this if he wanted to, but there was no way he’d turn his back now. Instead, he took a step forward, reaching out to her. Arys took the cue without waiting another second and met him halfway. 

Even though his eyes had fallen closed, Kaladin could feel her smiling into the kiss. And then he felt something shift in him and, all of a sudden, he _knew_ that this was how it was supposed to be. It didn’t magically erase the fact that they were at war, didn’t erase the things either of them had done to still be standing here, but it made it all bearable. He moved his hands to her waist and, that same moment, felt hers coming around his neck, fingers tangling themselves in his hair. _Oh, this was nice._ After that, he lost himself in the sweet push and pull of their kisses, and the world around him became this distant, abstract concept. 

Until she softly pushed him away, that was. Immediately, he was flooded with a strange sort of panic. Had he done something wrong?

"I’m sorry! Did I-" She cut him off before he had the chance to finish.

"All good. It’s just that us normal people need to breathe occasionally." He stared, unsure what she was talking about for a second, before realizing that he’d unconsciously breathed in Stormlight.

Arys’ eyes met his and she started laughing. A true, full-bellied laugh that only subsided when she buried her head in his shoulder. It was so beautiful, he didn’t even mind that the joke had come at his cost. 

"Yes, I get it, I’m hilarious." He tried to sound at least a little bit annoyed, but the sentence was still accompanied by a laugh. 

"You have to admit, it’s pretty storming funny." It was. Chances were she’d never let him live it down. "But I do feel flattered. Using precious Stormlight just so you can keep kissing me. If you’re not careful I might start mistaking you for a romantic." Alright, scratch that, she _definitely_ wasn’t going to let him live it down.

Smiling at each other, they stood like that a while longer, his arms around her and her head on his shoulder. Both knew the moment had to end sooner or later, though neither of them was too thrilled at the prospect. In the end, it was Arys who let go, though he spoke up first.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot." She sounded so casual, it almost made asking the question harder.

"Why were you avoiding me?" As expected, she went quiet for a second. Not because she was shutting him out, it was clear that she was thinking about the answer, or, more accurately, how to word it.

"I needed some time to think. And I’m pretty sure I just proved I’m not too good at that when you’re around." The words were accompanied by a smile, a real one, that reached all the way up to her eyes.

"Think? About what?" 

„After the _lovely_ conversation we just had, I think you know the gist of it. I want to go back out there, and I’m not letting you stop me.“ True enough. Nobody could stop Arys once she’d made up her mind.

"I know. I shouldn’t have tried." He inhaled once, deeply, before continuing, "I’m sorry." 

The words didn’t feel enough, but Arys chucked at them nevertheless.

„See, that wasn’t so hard.“ Kaladin didn’t have it in him to be annoyed at the flippant response. He was way too relieved she’d accepted his, more than lacking, apology. Still, she must’ve sensed his concern. The concern he couldn’t suppress, no matter what. She’d been right, wanting people safe was a him thing. So she quickly added, "Look, if you can go out there facing off against Almighty-knows-what and come back with your head still on top of your shoulders, I can handle one guy with a knife."

"The Ghostbloods are a lot more than just that though."

"Yeah… but I’ll manage." And that was that. It was immediately clear to him that was all he was going to get, at least for today. And he’d be damned if he kept digging just for it to lead to another fight. Besides, she _would_ manage. Arys always did.

"Just… promise me something." She raised her eyebrows in response, an almost concerned expression on her face. "If you ever need help, or this gets too much, talk to me." 

A pause.

"I will. Same thing goes for you though. Trust is supposed to go both ways, right?" The offer sounded so sincere, he was overcome with a sudden rush of affection. "So, you promise?"

Kaladin hadn’t depended on someone in a very long time. In truth, he wasn’t sure if he still knew how to do it. After all this time, maybe he was incapable of confiding in anyone, but, for her, he was willing to try. 

"I promise." The words felt as meaningful as the oaths of a Radiant.

"So, what now?", Arys asked. The question was so short and simple, and yet, it carried an almost unimaginable amount of weight with it. "I mean, do you want to try going with… whatever this is?"

"You mean us? Of course I do." That wasn't even in question. He might’ve been able to deny his feelings as long as he didn’t know how she felt, but now that he knew… he wanted to be with her, consequences be damned. "But what about you?" The sigh she let out at the question spoke volumes. 

"Kaladin, I care for you, more than I thought I was capable of"“ Genuine as she sounded, he knew there was a 'but' coming. A big one. "But I don’t think I’m ready for a 'traditional' courtship. Besides, all the rules would just get in the way."

He immediately knew she was scrambling to give him some sort of justification, but she could’ve saved herself the effort. With her history, it was easy to understand why she didn’t want something conventional. Courtship always implied a potential for marriage and, Storms knew, her experience with that had been anything but pleasant. Even if she hadn’t been hurt before, he couldn’t fault her for not wanting to rush this. If Kaladin was being honest, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that either. 

"Can we just… be what we are?", she added in a small voice.

He stepped back into her space and gently put one and on her arm, before answering,"Whatever you want." 

"Thank you." There was a smile on her lips and she brought one of her hands up to his cheek, so softly, the touch was barely there. 

Kaladin closed his eyes and leaned in for another kiss.

—

They managed their relationship a secret from everyone else, save for Syl of course, who relentlessly teased him about it, for a grand total of three days. Of course he'd known people would eventually catch on, but he still hadn't expected it to happen so fast. 

Though it wasn’t like they’d planned to keep it from everyone, really. It just never came up. Or, at least not in a situation that wouldn’t have been incredibly awkward for everyone involved. So, whenever they met anywhere but in the privacy of their own homes, they kept it to smiles and quick glances across the room. 

Thinking back on it, they probably weren’t being as stealthy as they thought.

Not that it mattered now. Kaladin, and the rest of Bridge Four were about to leave for that dreaded mission, when he spotted a familiar face running up to the group. Arys had come to see him off. 

She knew he was feeling conflicted about his newest orders. They’d talked about it _that_ morning. The one they'd woken up in a tangle of limbs after she’d asked him to stay the night. He hadn’t expected having to make good on the promise Arys and him had made to each other so soon, but confiding in someone he trusted had felt… liberating. 

So, there she was, even though it was early. And, as he now knew Arys was not an early riser if she had the chance to sleep in. While that was an incredibly sweet gesture, it wouldn’t have been fool-proof evidence of their relationship. It was what she did next that made it official. After, oh-so-sweetly telling him she’d beat him to damnation and back if he got himself killed, she, in front of everyone in attendance, kissed him full on the lips. 

They were off soon after, soaring through the sky. For once though, the stupid grins and teasing from his men that inevitably followed didn’t bother him. Because, for the first time in ages, he had the feeling everything was going to be okay. 

And, for the first time in ages, he had someone to come back to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say, except I’m an absolute hoe for the 'and then they kiss each other in the middle of a heated argument' trope ;^)
> 
> Seriously though, thanks again for sticking around all this time, it means more to me than I can say. I have one (or maybe two) little one-shots planned if anyone is at all interested in reading that. Though I’ll take a little break first and then take my time with them. 
> 
> Until then, thanks for reading <3


End file.
